Page 105 of Sweet Vengeance
I wrap my arms around him, look at him. “I don’t care about any of that…anything. All I want is to be with you.”
He gives me an almost melancholy look that nearly stops my heart.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Come on, Kitten. I want to be alone with you.”
We hold hands while Cillian leads me upstairs. The room is even larger than the one at his house in Ashford. He has a four-poster bed I’m fairly certain is cherry wood, with decorative pillars in each corner.
We shower together, Cillian touching me, kissing me. When we get to bed, he blows me, sucks me deep into his mouth until I come down his throat, then pushes up on his knees and jerks off on me. It’s sexy and perfect, everything that is us, just like when he uses my mouth to keep his cock warm, and then he pulls me up and into his arms before I fall asleep.
“Cil…can I ask you something?”
“You can always ask me anything.”
“The sex thing…the sex workers…is it all consensual?”
“Yes. God yes. That’s one thing we don’t fuck around with. We don’t do rape, Ollie, and we don’t force people to sell their bodies if that’s not what they want to do. I promise.”
I nod against him. “I knew that. I just needed to hear it.” He doesn’t answer right away, the silence stretching between us, pinging my nerves. “Are you okay?” I ask. “You seem sad. Is it because of your father? If you want to go home, we can go home. Or is it because I asked you about the sex workers?”
“I’m good. Being here always gets me up in my head. This is the same house we lived in with her.”
Jesus. How much of an idiot am I? I didn’t even think about that. “I’m sorry.”
“I wish she could have met you.”
“I wish I could have met her too.” I kiss his chest. “Will you show me photos? Tomorrow? And show me all her favorite things in the house. I bet she had favorite spots.”
His hold on me tightens. “I’d like that. Yes, I’ll show you. I love you, ya know?”
I smile into the dark room. “I know. I love you too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Cillian
Ican’t sleep.Hearing Ollie talk to the guys about possible fronts to launder money has stuck in my head. Intensely. It’s only been a couple of months, yet he’s already accepted me murdering for him, despite it being the one thing he asked me not to do. Now he’s helping sort out how we clean our money? I’ve brought him into this life, changed him, made him responsible for Rory too. In some ways, he’s basically taken on the two of us because Ollie has a big fucking heart. I love that about him so much, but am I using him? Abusing him? Forcing him to make changes?
I can’t get those thoughts out of my head as he sleeps peacefully beside me, clutching on to me like I’m his whole fucking world.
What if being with me changes his relationship with his father?
And what about the part of me that loved hearing him become involved in the discussion with Conan and Finan earlier? I should hate myself for that, and yet…
It’s not that I want to change Ollie, because I don’t, and I don’t ever want him in danger, but sharing some parts of my world with him is exciting. I’m not sure what that says about me, and it’s a reminder that who I am isn’t good for him.
My skin feels too tight, like for the first time in my life I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. I sneak out of the bed, needing to fucking move or think or something. In the dark, I pull on a pair of underwear, sweats, and a shirt, then go downstairs.
I head straight for my father’s bar and pour myself a whiskey, swallowing it down in two large gulps. I set the glass on the counter, hands shaking and thoughts spinning, when I see movement in my periphery.
My father is standing there, leaning against the wall. He’s still in his suit from earlier, the hallway behind him, telling me he likely came from his office. He’s never been the best sleeper. I remember him being up half the night often. He would only go to bed when my mom forced him to, and when she died, there was no one to do that for him.
“You’re in love with him,” are the first words he speaks.
“No shit,” I snap. I’m not proud of my automatic reaction to my father every time he talks to me, but I don’t know how to be any other way.
“I needed to see it for myself.”
