Page 107 of Sweet Vengeance
“Yes. Do it. Make it happen. I want out.”
“Want out of what?” Ollie’s sleepy, confused voice interrupts us.
My gaze snaps over to see him coming down the stairs. “Nothing. We’ll talk later. Go back upstairs.”
That seems to jerk him out of his sleepy state. “Um, excuse you? Don’t tell me what to do. You want out of what, Cillian?” He comes downstairs, his demeanor more on edge and alert.
“This. What we do. The life. It’s not a big deal.” But itisa big deal, a decision I will make for him.
“What the hell are you talking about it’s not a big deal! Yes it is.” He turns on my father. “What did you do? How didyou talk him into that?” He pokes his finger into my father’s chest with each new sentence. “You don’t get to take this away from him! To push him away because you’re not strong enough to deal with your emotions and your regrets about how you treated him!”
My father’s jaw tightens. He looks murderous, but to his credit, he doesn’t move to touch Ollie. He doesn’t push him back. There’s no doubt in my mind it takes everything inside him not to.
“Jesus, Kitten. Don’t do that.” I walk around the bar and head for them.
“I will. Someone needs to wake him up.” He turns to my father again. “You can’t take his family away from him. I won’t let you do that. I won’t let you hurt him anymore.”
My father cocks a brow. “And what will you do about it?”
“Whatever I have to.”
His voice even, my dad says, “Lower your hand. Speak to Cillian about this. I didn’t force him to do anything. I gave him a choice, and I did it for you…for both of you.” My father tries to take a step away, but Ollie doesn’t let him.
“I don’t need you to do anything for me!” Ollie shouts, startling me. “I need you to fucking love him! All he’s ever wanted is for his father to love him! That’s what he needs, and that’s what I want for him!”
“Why do you think I’m doing this? I love my son.”
“Show it in other ways, not this one, not telling him he can walk away from his life, from the people he loves. And maybe you should try telling him sometime, fucking talk to him once in a while, not because you have to, but because you want to. He needed you.” Ollie’s voice breaks, and it’s clear that he’s crying…because he’s not afraid to be open with his feelings, not afraid to put it all out there. “He needed you, and you left him alone, and I know you’re hurting. I can see it, but he’s always going to be my first priority. You should try and make him yours too.”
I know I should move, but I can’t. I know I should stop Ollie from talking, but I can’t do that either. I can’t stop focusing on his words, the love in them, the way he’s standing up for me, risking himself for me.
“You don’t think I live with that every fucking day?” my father bellows, and then…then his attention isn’t on Ollie anymore. It’s on me, broken and pained and…are those tears in his eyes? “I hate myself for it every fucking day, but I don’t know how to change it. How to fix it. I hurt you…worse than I did her. I was so broken when she died that I left you to live in that same emptiness alone, and that will forever be the regret of my lifetime. I just… How do I fix it, son? How can I be what you deserve?”
And in this moment, my heart opens to him, lets him in. He’s not perfect. He’s hurt me. Left me, ignored me, but he’s still my father.
“You try,” I answer simply. “I just need you to try…and I’ll be better about trying too.” Because I see now that it’s what having us come to Boston was about, and the random phone call a while back too. Maybe it’s not enough, maybe it’s a small start, but it’s a start all the same.
“I can do that.” He pushes his hands into his pockets. “I want to do that. Hearing about the two of you these past few months…well, it put things into perspective. You’re growing up, you’re in love…and I’ve let all this time pass. You’re right here, so close, yet I’ve let it pass. She would never forgive me for that, but as true as that is, it’s not just for her. All the shit with Sloan, the way he was to Tiernan before he died. I don’t want that to be us.”
“I don’t want it to be us either,” I admit, tentatively. I can’t believe any of this is happening.
“Good. Okay. It’s a start.” He turns to Ollie, giving him a smile. “You’re good for him. I had my doubts, but you are. Brave and maybe a little dangerous too.”
“I’mthe dangerous one?” Ollie asks.
“For him, you would be. Just…don’t go around doing what you did with me to everyone. They won’t all be as understanding as me.”
“I can’t help it. I love him. I will always defend him.”
And he will. I don’t doubt that.
“I’m glad to know he has that.” My father looks at me. “I’ll let the two of you talk. I won’t take your answer from a few minutes ago as gospel. Let me know what you want me to do.”
“I will. Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. And I’m sorry.”
My father walks away, but for the first time in too long, I have hope that maybe things will get better between us.
