Page 54 of Sweet Vengeance
“Because he cares…and Cillian has never cared before.”
“If he cares so much, where is he?” The second the words slip out, I want them back. Why did I say that? Why do Ifeelthat?
“Wait. So you’re not mad he lied about keeping an eye on you, just that he didn’t do it himself? Damn, Bunny. Maybe you’re more like us than I thought. Possessive over your man? Or at least you want him to be possessive over you.”
“That’s not what I meant!” Though it is, in some ways. “I shouldn’t have said that. My brain is in a weird place.”
“He would have been here. He needed to go to class, but we were going to switch places before he got all up in his headabout his father. Come stay with us. He wants you. I want him to get what he wants.”
My heart gets melty. I’ve never met two people who love each other as much as Cillian and Rory. It’s a special relationship, one that’s maybe not completely healthy, but part of me wishes I had something like that too…just like part of me enjoys Cillian wanting to protect and take care of me. God, this is all so messed up.
“Fine, but only because he’s upset about the stuff with his dad. I can’t understand why he isn’t better to Cillian.”
“You and me both,” Rory says as we begin walking again. “Fuck, man, parents are hard. I’m glad I don’t have any.”
“Everyone has parents.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Rory and I head back to my dorm, and he waits while I pack up my things. The whole time, I’m thinking about Cillian. I’m angry he lied to me, but I know in his own way, it’s because he cares. Is that me making excuses for him? I don’t want to be that kind of guy, and also, how much can he care since he also made sure to stress this is just about sex?
“You ready?” Rory asks, and I realize I’m just standing there staring.
“Yeah.”
I wonder what happened with his father today. Cillian seems so carefree about so many things, like emotions don’t factor into many of his decisions, but I know they do with his dad. I could feel it the one and only time we talked about him.
Rory leads me to a car, which I recognize as Cillian’s. We make the short drive to their house, Rory sucking incessantly on his vape.
“Sorry. Lost my fidget spinner,” he says, and I wave him off. I’m not in the mood to complain right now.
“Is Cillian home?”
“He’s out with Tiernan. They’ll be back in a little while. Dean and Aislin are there.”
I nod, trying to internally deny the stab of disappointment I feel that Cillian isn’t home. Is he okay after whatever happened with his dad? Does Tiernan have him out doing things he shouldn’t be out doing, especially when he’s feeling down? I shift uncomfortably at the thought—not only about what he could be doing, but at Tiernan. With the way Dean cares about him and how Cillian would do anything for him, there must be something good in him that I don’t see, but honestly, I have my doubts.
I get out of the car and go to grab my bags, but Rory grabs one himself and hands me the other. “Thanks.” I hate the feeling of discomfort weighing down at the back of my neck at the thought of being here without Cillian. He shouldn’t make me feel safer or more comfortable, but he does. Dean should probably be the one to give me that feeling—since he’s my friend and we lived together last year, even if sporadically after Tiernan came into the picture—but instead, it’s Cillian whose presence soothes me.
I walk beside Rory up to the house. He presses a code and opens the door. “Do you want to smoke a bowl?” Rory asks.
“No. I told you I don’t smoke weed.”
“More for me.” He sets my bag down and turns toward the living room. Dean is sitting on the couch with Aislin.
“Hey. What’s up? You can set your bag down and sit,” Dean tells me, and I do, taking one of the armchairs.
“I’m going upstairs. Let me know if you need anything,” Rory tells me, and I feel a strange twinge at him leaving. Being close to him feels safe because of his relationship with Cillian.
“We’ve been around each other but never been properly introduced. I’m Aislin.” She holds her hand out to shake.
“Ollie.”
“Though I hear it’s Kitten to Cillian. That’s what Rory says, at least.” She smiles, and like happens too often around this group of people, my cheeks heat.
“It’s just a…thing.” It’s the only excuse I can think of.
“Do you know anything about being with girls?” Dean asks me.
