Page 55 of Sweet Vengeance
My eyebrows nearly shoot to the ceiling. “Huh?”
“Women. Have you ever dated one? I don’t know much about your sex life. Ash is talking to this girl for the first time. She’s asking me for advice, and not only do I have zero experience with girls, I also suck at having conversations like this.” Dean rubs a hand over his buzzed hair.
“You’re better than you think,” she tells him, then looks at me and makes a funny face as if to say he’s not.
I chuckle. While I like Dean a lot, I can’t really see him as someone who is super easy to talk to.
“You would think it would be easier to talk to girls, since I am one, but we’re just as confusing as boys.”
I give her a shrug and a smile. “I’m gay. I’ve never even kissed a girl, but I can still try to help.”
“Really? Awesome! It’s this girl from one of my classes—Zuri. We talk in class a lot. We’ve even started texting, but I’ve asked her to meet up twice—once for coffee and once for lunch—and both times she’s been kinda cagey about it and said no. I don’t know how to tell if she’s interested or not. Does she even realize I’m trying to date her?”
“I assume asking her if she’s interested is out of the question?”
“Oh my God! Yes. At least right now. This is all kinda new for me. I haven’t dated girls before, but I’m interested.” She changes positions on the couch, pulling her long, black hair over her shoulder. “I just don’t want to mess somethingup…or push her away if she’s not interested in anything other than friendship. It’s hard to make friends for…well, reasons. I think that’s why I clung to him the way I did.” She points to Dean with her thumb.
“So I was a consolation prize?”
She hugs him. “No. You know I love you, and now you’re practically my brother.” Aislin gives her attention back to me. “You seem smart. What should I do?”
“Umm…I’m book smart, not people smart. Honestly, I’ve never dated anyone in my life.”
“From what I’ve heard, Cillian claimed you.”
Dean nudges her.
“Wait. What is going on here? Who is telling you guys this stuff? It’s just…sex.”
“You’re fucking Cillian?” Dean blurts out.
Didn’t they know that? I rub a hand over my face. Having friends is hard. I’m not any more familiar with this kind of thing than they seem to be. “Oh my God.”
“Aww, his face is so red. Look how cute. We don’t really get embarrassed around here.” Aislin oohs and aahs over me like I’m a doll or something.
“I knew he wanted to fuck you, I just didn’t think you’d do it,” Dean explains.
“Well, he’s really hot,” are the first words out of my mouth, which embarrasses me even more. But then all the reasons this is a disaster start raining down on me. “It’s just a thing. We’re only hooking up for like…a little while. He doesn’t do relationships, and I couldn’t…we aren’t a fit for anything more than that.”
Dean frowns, and I know he understands what I’m saying, why I couldn’t be more with Cillian, and honestly? It makes my stomach tangle in knots, makes me feel two inches tall. Cillian has never been anything but caring to me.
Even if I wanted more, though, he wouldn’t.
“Let’s talk about something else.”
Aislin tells me more about Zuri, then swaps topics to the women’s self-defense class she runs on campus. Dean is so different with her, completely relaxed and more open than he’s ever been with me. It’s not hard to tell how much she means to him.
“Cillian is going to teach me some self-defense moves,” I admit.
“Okay, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is all so cute. Cillian’s never been like this with anyone before.” Aislin beams.
Unexpected hope blooms in my chest, and I try to tamp it down.
Before I can drive myself crazy trying to sort through what that means, or have to come up with a response, I hear the door open, Cillian and Tiernan saying something to each other as they come in.
Just like everything when it comes to him, my response is a mixture of two things—part nerves because I don’t know what to expect, and the rest desire along with the need to make sure he’s okay. Cillian doesn’t need me for that. He’s got a house full of people he loves and who will do anything for him. But I can’t help wondering if even they don’t see all the sides of Cillian, if there are pieces of him they can’t reach.
I look up to see Tiernan walk over to Dean, pulling him to his feet and searing their mouths together with this crackling intensity and craving for each other I feel in the air every time I’m around them.
