Page 60 of Sweet Vengeance
I’m a liability. I get that. The only reason I’m here is because Cillian wants me here. Dean wants me here as well, but as obvious as Tiernan’s love is for him, I don’t think Dean’s the reason Tiernan allows me to stay. If I wasn’t here, Cillian wouldn’t be either, and yes, Tiernan needs him, but I think…God, I think he also just likes those he loves to be under the same roof. Wants to know they’re all safe. He even argues with Aislin sometimes about moving in, but she won’t do it. They’re all co-dependent, and there’s something unexpectedly beautiful in that.
I smile at the thought, with Cillian’s soft dick in my mouth, while I kneel between his legs. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, running his fingers through my hair.
I finished blowing him some thirty minutes ago, but like always, I didn’t pull off him afterward. I nuzzle in closer, inhale his scent, taste his arousal on his skin, the remnants of the load I worked out of his balls still on my tongue.
I love doing this so much, and I don’t get why. Typically, I’m an answers guy. I want to understand all the moving parts, want to get why something is the way it is, even if it’s internaland emotional. I can’t make sense of anything with Cillian. Not why he wants me, or why I want him. Not why I can feel so safe with him, knowing the things he does. How I can be here with him despite all the things I know? Yet I don’t want to be anywhere else.
And I love this, sucking him, holding him in my mouth, feeling closer to him than I ever have to another human in my life, and for once, I don’t need a reason. It simply is.
“Two smiles in a row. What are you thinking about, Kitten?”
“Nothing,” I lie, pulling off him.
“So…tonight…we could do some homework together and then get naked.” He pumps his brows, and I roll my eyes.
“First of all, the only time you ever do homework is when I make you.” It really is a thing. I don’t know how he or Rory have managed to pass their classes last year, how they’re still enrolled. I’ve taken responsibility for keeping them both on track.
“Yes, but I will tonight.”
“Only because you don’t want me to go to work, and that’s not gonna happen—and which was number two on my list, by the way. I’m going.” I have to. I’m already upset that Cillian paid my hospital bill. I don’t want to live off him too.
“Why? You don’t need it. I have money for anything you need.”
“I need a job! And I’m not your kept boy.”
“No, you’re my dirty boy.” He snickers, trying to make it so I’m not angry, but it doesn’t work.
I still have to be careful with my ribs, but I do my best to shove to my feet angrily. “It’s important to me to get back to my life. If I don’t do it now, I never will. I can’t live my life in fear, Cillian.”
He sighs, pulls me toward him until I straddle his lap,then presses his forehead to my chest. “I hate it when you say my name. It makes me give you anything you want.”
I grin. “Cillian, Cillian, Cillian.” It’s absolutely the most ridiculous thing in the world. How can hearing me say his name make him feel that way? Still, it shoots me to the sky, makes me float on the clouds and feel like more than I ever have before.
“Brat.”
I wrap my arms around him. “This is important to me. I don’t want to lose who I am.”
Cillian’s fingers dance up and down my back. “I know. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”
“Plus…when this is over, I still need to be able to take care of myself.”
“I know.” He gives me a quick kiss, rolls me off him, and dumps me onto the messy bed, his gray-and-white bedding tangled from our sexual escapades. He hasn’t tried to fuck me yet. I’m dying for it, want to know what it’s like to have Cillian inside me, but I’m also scared there will be no turning back after that.
He walks naked to the bathroom in his room, and a second later, I hear him taking a leak. My cell phone rings, and I grab it off the black nightstand to seeDadon the screen.
Guilt swarms me like bees on honey. Part of me feels bad having a good relationship with my father because Cillian doesn’t with his, and the rest of my guilt is all because of me.
Because I’m lying to my dad.
Because he doesn’t know I’ve been hurt.
Because he doesn’t know about Cillian, and he’s the closest thing to a boyfriend I’ve ever had, even if it’s temporary, and I want to share that with him. I want to tell him I like someone, that they like me, but how would he feel if he knew the things Cillian does?
There is so much to feel, I’m not sure which emotion to focus on first.
“You can answer it, Kitten.”
“I will,” I grumble. How can I enjoy talking to my father so much, yet lately, it always leaves me feeling like crap? “Hello?” I answer, cheeks warm because I’m talking to my dad while watching a naked Cillian pull on a pair of underwear.
