Page 61 of Sweet Vengeance
“Hey, you. How was class today?”
I love how interested he is in my life, love that he wants to know how school, work, and anything else is going, and it makes my gut twist and my throat feel like it’s closing up each time I lie to him, each time I talk about work when I haven’t been there in two weeks, each time I don’t mention Cillian.
School is a safer topic, though. “Good. I just got an A on an exam.”
“I’m not surprised at all,” he says as Cillian playfully rolls his eyes at me, and I chuckle.
“What’s so funny?” Dad asks.
“Oh, nothing. Sorry. How are things going there?”
I listen while he tells me about the neighbor’s dog who keeps getting out and showing up on our porch, and about some of the kids in his classes. Cillian sits in a chair on the other side of the room, bringing his bong to his mouth and inhaling deeply. He’s asked me before if I mind when he smokes and has even tried to go into the other room, but I’m not going to kick him out of his own bedroom.
My dad and I only talk for about fifteen minutes, which is short for us, before we end the call.
Cillian finishes smoking and puts his bong away. “Come on. If you insist on going to work, you need to get dressed. No one is allowed to see you naked except me.” He gives me a mischievous grin. “And maybe Rory.”
My stomach immediately gets fluttery and my skintingles. This is something else Cillian does sometimes—teases me about Rory seeing me naked, or Rory watching us together. I don’t want Rory…well, at least not the same way I want Cillian. He’s strangely sweet and funny and attractive, but I wouldn’t want to have with him what I have with Cillian. The sex talk, though, and even thinking about sex with both of them, does get me going. It makes me feel desired, but even more than that, I wonder what it would be like to share that moment with them, to see the closeness they feel for each other in that way that is so deep, layered, and nuanced. Maybe I should feel jealous, but I don’t.
Cillian walks over to me, grabs my wrist, and pulls me to my feet. “Dirty, dirty boy.”
I burrow my face into his neck, letting myself speak in a way I could only feel comfortable with him. “Your dirty boy.”
“That’s right. You’re mine.”
Not forever, though—that’s never far from my mind—and even though only minutes ago I was telling myself that’s what I want. Deep down, I want Cillian forever.
*
Cillian drops meoff at work and lets me know he’ll come back to pick me up.
“Do not leave this building. Seriously. I know you can take care of yourself. That’s not what this is about. But Iwillset this whole fucking town on fire if something happens to you again. And I suspect, sweet as you are, that you would do the same for me.”
I’m struck dumb for a moment, like I can’t figure out how to use my voice. It’s not the first time Cillian has said something like that to me, but I don’t think it’s something one really gets used to—at least not in only a few weeks.There’s no way everything with him should feel so big, so intense and…vitalin such a short amount of time, but it does.
I nod, and he leans over and kisses me. “Now go be a good boy while I go be a very bad boy. I’ll see you soon.”
My stomach is in knots as I open the car door and get out. I stop, turn to look at him, and say, “Be careful.”
Cillian winks. “I’m always careful. Now go inside. I’m not pulling away until you’re in there.”
I roll my eyes but bite back a smile. It’s…much nicer than I thought it would be to have someone be so protective of me. I’m already getting to where I have to remind myself I’m not supposed to like it.
I close the car door and walk inside. True to his word, Cillian doesn’t leave until I’m there.
The second I walk behind the counter, everyone starts to clap for me. There’s a bundle of balloons, a big one in the middle that sayswelcome back.
“Wow…I don’t know what to say.”
“You’re a hero, Ollie,” my manager says.
“We’re all so proud of you,” Lacy, one of my coworkers, adds.
“It’s good to have you back,” another adds.
I thank them and offer up hugs to those I know would be comfortable with it. This is why I came back. This is what I’m fighting for. I want a normal life, not to stay locked in my house all the time because I’m afraid.
I find I’m less nervous than I thought I would be once I start making pizzas. It’s easy to lose myself in the monotony of this work I know by heart. At some point, though, Lacy drops a pan, the loudbangnearly making my heart jump out of my chest. I must have made a sound because when I look her way, her eyes are wide.
