Page 65 of Sweet Vengeance
There have beena lot of hushed conversations over the last couple of days, a lot of everyone getting silent when I enter a room or Cillian disappearing with Tiernan.
Cillian pretends everything is normal. He’ll make a joke or pull me toward him, wrapping his arms around me. He does that in front of them a lot now, tugs me to his lap or hugs me, and I love it but dread it at the same time. All it’s doing is making this feel more real, and that’s dangerous thinking.
Still, the heaviness in the air tells me something’s wrong, something dangerous, and that makes me want to cling to him every second of every day. I don’t ever want him out of my sight or grip. Why can’t I just hold on to Cillian O’Shea every moment of forever?
He meets up with me on Thursday after class. He didn’t bring his car, so we’re walking back to the house, our arms brushing with every step, making my fingers itch to reach out and hold his hand. What would he do if I tried it? I can’t see him as the type to walk around holding someone’s hand, but then, Cillian surprises me every day.
“I’m gonna be out tonight…me, Rory, Tiernan, and Dean. I’m not sure how late we’ll be…maybe all night.”
The hairs on the back of my neck rise. What is he going to do? Something I won’t want to know about, I’m sure. “Should I stay at my dorm?” I ask, surprised to find that the thought makes my stomach cramp. I want to be there when he gets home.
“No. You’re staying at home.”
“Um, pretty sure there’s a better way you could word that.”
“You’re the one who asked.”
“True, but you could say you’d rather me stay at home—well, your home.”
He groans. “I don’t want to fight with you. I want you at my house. I would appreciate it if you stayed there.”
His voice sounds off. Something major is going on. “Okay.” We don’t talk for the rest of the walk, which feels like it takes a hundred years. We’re almost to the end of their long gravel driveway when I stop.
What if he doesn’t come home? What if he gets hurt? My eyes feel like they’re about to well up, and I do everything in my power to stop it. I’m not going to cry. What would he think if I stood here crying? This is who Cillian is, who he’ll always be. Plus, I don’t even know what he’s doing. For all I know, whatever is going on tonight has happened numerous times since we started…doing this together.
Still, I can’t stop myself from saying, “Promise me you’ll be safe…and that you won’t go to jail. And that…well, I can’t say nothing bad will happen because I’m pretty sure it will, but you have to be okay.”
He groans, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I thought we didn’t talk about this.”
“We don’t.”
Cillian gives me a small smile. “Okay…so we won’t talk about how I’ll be okay. Nothing will happen to me. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that. If we were talking about it.”
“Pretty sure I did. I won’t get hurt. I promise. And I’m definitely not getting arrested. Hypothetically.”
Ridiculously, his words soothe some of my worry. I trust him. “I’m holding you to that…your promise.”
He winks. “I expect nothing less.” And then…then Cillian takes my hand, holding it the rest of the walk up the driveway.
*
Cillian is lockedaway in Tiernan’s office for most of the day. I try to distract myself with some assignments I need to do, but even that doesn’t work. School is always a good distraction for me, but now there’s Cillian, and he’s doing something dangerous, and I don’t know how to handle that.
“You good?” I hear from behind me and turn around to see Dean leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
“Yeah. I’m just…” How do I even finish that sentence?
“I get it. In the beginning, I was the one left at home. It’s…” He looks away, trying to find his words and maybe still adjusting to this whole opening-up thing. “Difficult. He’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it. Tiernan and Rory will too.”
“I want you all to be okay.”
He gives a small smirk. “We will be.” He pushes off the wall. “You’re doing good with all this. Better than I would have thought, but then I remember how brave you were when you thought Tiernan was hurting me, and I realize none of us should ever doubt you.”
I’m struck speechless for a moment, pulse pounding. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Dean shrugs, then simply walks away, down the hall andtoward Tiernan’s office.
