Page 76 of Sweet Vengeance
“You walk into danger all the time.”
“That’s not bravery for me. That’s life. But still, I do it knowing I’m protected and having experience taking care of myself. You didn’t, but you didn’t care.”
“I was scared out of my mind.”
“Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you do shit anyway. Like tonight—knowing I was going to do something you disagree with but staying when I left.”
“That’s not bravery. That’s me putting my desires over right or wrong.”
I pull him to me, Ollie coming easily, straddling my thighs. “It’s fucking brave to go for what you want. Not everyone can do that. It’s brave to be in this house despite your convictions. It’s brave to love me even though your life would be easier loving someone else. We do this, and you’ll be spending your life walking two different sides of the line…because you’re not changing for me. You’re not walking away from your dream. You’re going to be a fucking lawyer, and you’re going to be mine. That’s fucking brave in my book. It would be the easiest thing in the world to walk away, the smartest, but you won’t. It’s not how you’re built.” I cup his smooth cheek, and Ollie nuzzles into it.
“You can’t walk away either…I know it, even if you’re not ready to say it. You can’t walk away from me.”
“No,” I admit.
“Or this.” He gestures around us.
It would kill me to do it, but maybe I would…for him.
“I won’t let you,” he adds. “Because I think you would try, but I won’t let you because it’syou. This is your family.”
I wrap my arms around him, pulling Ollie to me, face buried in his throat. What has he done to me? “I love you too.” The words are said into his skin, but I feel Ollie’s smile and know he heard them. When I pull back, I’m fairly certain his face is going to split in two. “You’re very proud of yourself.”
“I’m proud of us.”
“Jesus.” I can’t get enough of the shit he says. “Tonight…I…”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to know. Maybe one day I will, but not yet. I accept who you are, but I can do that without the details.”
I swallow and nod, thankful he doesn’t want to hear because if he did, I’m not sure I could keep him.
I slide down the bed, taking him with me. We move to our sides, looking at each other, ridiculously. What the fuck even is this?
“Earlier…” Ollie says, “when we were messing around…you mentioned Rory. It turns me on, but you know I don’t want him the way I want you, right?”
“Yes.” I don’t even question it. “Kitten, I know what I am to you, and it’s impossible to have any jealousy between Rory and me. I would love to share him with you. Not all the time, but sometimes. I’minlove with you. I love him. It would be…special for me. For him to see us that way, see who you are to me in those moments…for him to be a small part of us.”
I have no idea if any of that makes sense. If I’m fucked in the head or what, but it’s how I feel. Like it would deepen the bond between Ollie and me…and Rory and me…and the two of them. I want them to love each other too. I need it.
“I would never push you to do anything you don’t want to do, and if anyone else ever touched you, I’d cut off their fucking hands.” I grin.
“Oh my God.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head, but there’s a small smile on his lips.
“We don’t have to talk about Rory right now, though.” This is about us. I brush my fingers through his hair. “Is your real name Ollie, or is it Oliver?”
“Oliver, same as my dad, but I don’t feel like Oliver. That’s him. I’ve always been Ollie.”
“It’s cute.” I kiss the tip of his nose.
“It’s me.” He shrugs one shoulder. “What was your mom’s name?”
“Moira,” I answer, easier than I should. “Everyone says I look like her. She played the piano…she loved it. She taught me too.”
“You play the piano?” he sputters.
I chuckle. “I’m more than the mob and good looks,” I tease. “But not anymore—the playing, I mean. I haven’t since she died.”
“You should play the piano, Cillian.”
