Page 79 of Sweet Vengeance
We actually have more time than I’d originally thought, so we could very well discuss this, only the second we get to Cillian’s room, his phone rings.
“Fuck,” he says, then answers it. “What’s up.”
I can’t hear the person on the other end of the call, but there’s no doubt in my mind it’s Tiernan.
“Can’t Rory do it?” He paces the room. “No, no. Okay. I’m good.” He looks at me. “I need Aislin to bring Ollie to work.”
“I can get myself to work just fine, thank you very much.” I head straight for the bathroom, and there’s maybe a little stomping.
“Text Ash. Tell her to be here in like forty-five minutes.” He ends the call and follows me. “You’re not walking.”
“Um, I’ll walk if I want to walk.” I don’t, of course, but screw him for thinking he can tell me what to do.
He pinches his nose. “You can take my car.”
“I’m not driving your car. It costs more money than I’ve ever seen.”
“Then let me buy you one.”
“You’re not buying me a car, Cillian! Don’t you see I don’t want to need you—not in that way, at least. I want you, yes, but I don’t want to be with you for the stuff you can giveme! And you take care of everyone else all the time! The second Tieman calls, you come running—and it’s always you he calls first. You’re always looking after Rory and making sure he’s taking care of himself. I don’t want to just be another responsibility to you, and I also don’t want you to think I can’t handle myself!”
He sighs, then throws his arms up. “This is who I am. That’s not going to change. You know that. I’ll always make sure Rory is taken care of, and I’ll always be there for Tiernan.”
“I know that. It’s part of why I love you, but can’t you see that I just want to give to you as much as you give to everyone else? I want to make your life easier, not harder.” He opens his mouth, and I add, “Without you buying me a car.” It’s not the first time we’ve had this discussion.
“Can’t you see that you do? You’re the only thing in my life I’ve everchosen. I want to do this shit for you for completely selfish reasons. I need to do everything I can to keep you.”
Blood rushes through my ears, pulse pounding. This man and his insanely big heart that’s more bruised and battered than he will ever see. “I’m not going anywhere. Not ever if you don’t make me.”
Cillian slips his finger into my belt loop and tugs me closer, arms around me, face in my neck. “This life will always be dangerous for you because of me. Sometimes I’m going to push things, and it’s not to be an asshole; it’s because I care about you.”
He’s right. I know he is. If someone has a grudge against him, all they have to do is see us together, and I can be used against him. I understand that, even if I don’t like it. “Aislin can take me to work.”
“Thank you. I’m sorry it’s like this.” He nibbles my neck. “I wish I had time to fuck you, but I have to go.”
I nod, a pit growing in my stomach. “Okay. Be careful.”
“It’s fine. Nothing you need to stress about too much, okay?” He kisses my temple, and then he’s gone.
The first thing I do is grab my cell phone and call my dad. I’m not sure why… No, I am. I need someone to talk to about this. Someone who’s not Dean or Aislin, even if I can’t give him all the details. It’s eating me alive not to tell him I have a boyfriend…that I’m in love. I want to share Cillian with him.
My dad answers just as I’m lying down on Cillian’s bed.
“Hey, Ol. You’re working soon, right?”
“Yeah, I do. I just…wanted to talk to you.”
His voice holds a tentative note when he asks, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” Or as okay as it can be, considering the situation. I’m not scaring him with all that, though. I’m healed, and the guys who jumped me haven’t been arrested but they haven’t bothered me either. Why frighten him? “I actually have something good I wanted to share with you…something I’ve been keeping from you.”
“You mean the fact that you’re seeing someone?” he asks, amusement in his tone.
I’m not going to lie, my chest gets tight. “How do you…”
“Lucky guess, is all. You’ve sounded different these past couple of weeks, happier. I recognize the sound of falling in love. Even all these years later, I remember it well.”
Emotion clogs my throat, and I know we’re both thinking of Mom. God, I miss her, love her. I wish Cillian could have met her. “I’m sorry.”
