Page 118 of Ice Darling
I can’t stop here, even if it hurts.
“Everyone liked Gwen more than me. Even my mom. And because of that, I spent a very long time not liking Gwen anymore.”
“But she’s your sister.”
“Yeah, well”—my smile is sad—“sometimes, we act the meanest with the people closest to us.”
“You should treateveryonenice.”
“You’re a lot smarter than me, Gordie, but I didn’t know that back then. I did some bad things to Gwen.” I stop short of telling her any details of how terrible of a person I was. “In the end, my sister got sad and went very, very far away from me.”
Gordie’s shoulders slump. “Like my mom.”
No, not exactly. “Do you miss your mom?”
She takes a moment to answer. “It makes Dad sad when I talk about her.”
“You can talk to me about her. I don’t mind.”
Gordie scoots closer to me and says in a shaky tone. “Delia.”
“Yeah?”
“When I’m grown up, I’m going to learn how to ride a bike, and I’m going to ride and ride and ride until I get to my mom…”
My eyes fill with tears as the little girl’s voice swells, heated and determined.
“…I’m going to ask her why she didn’t want me.”
“Gordie”—my heart shudders in pain—“your mom wanted you.”
“No, she didn’t. Or she’d be here,” Gordie whispers.
My voice is husky. “What about your dad? Your dad loves you so,somuch. Because of you, he’s the happiest in the world.”
She shakes her head. “Mom left Daddy because of me.”
“Who told you that?” I demand.
“I heard my teachers talking about it.”
I pull her in for a hug. “Your teachers are wrong, Gordie. No matter what happened between your parents, it wasn’t because of you. I haven’t met your mom, but I know your dad. His life got so much better because of you.”
She sniffles against my chest.
“You’re the most special little girl in the whole wide world. You know how I know that?”
“How?”
“Because you’re friends with someone mean like me, and you turned me into someone nice. You are so kind that it rubs off on people. And even if your mom doesn’t show it like other moms, and even if she’s a little mean for not showing up, she loves you a lot too.”
Gordie allows me to hug her for a minute longer and then she straightens. “Delia?”
“Yes?” I wipe a tear that falls free from my eyes.
“Will you tell Daddy what I said?”
“Do you want me to?”
