Page 178 of Ice Darling
It’s better this way. Better that I feel a brief taste of happiness only to have it ripped away.
It’s what I did to Gwen.
And it’s what I deserve too.
Even so, I can’t help the emotions balling in my throat. Seeing Renthrow turn his back on me makes me want to cling to him.
“Renthrow,” I whisper.
He hears me because he stops, but he doesn’t turn around. “I need some time to think. I-I’ll call you.”
He won’t.
I know it deep in my bones. His ex-wife hurt him deeply, and there’s no way he’s making the same choice twice.
There’s no coming back from this.
After Renthrow leaves, I force myself to go back to work, but I can’t concentrate. April and Rebel return from lunch to find me staring unseeingly into the hood of a car.
“Cordelia, are you okay?” April touches my shoulder.
I swallow hard. “Y-yeah. I’m fine. I, uh, didn’t get that much sleep last night.”
“You look pale.” Rebel puts her manicured hand to my forehead and gasps. “Cordelia, you’re burning up.”
“I’ll be fine. I just have to eat something.”
“You didn’t eat lunch?” April looks horrified. “Come over here and sit down. I brought some leftovers. I know you don’t like red meat, but you can eat the potatoes.”
“Really, I’m fine,” I say faintly.
But my bosses will have none of it. They drag me to a chair and force me to sit. Rebel wets a rag and wipes the table near her workstation. Then she sets a clean, pink handkerchief down.
April brings a takeout container from The Tipsy Tuna and forces a spoon into my hand. “Use this. It’s clean.”
Rebel uncaps a bottle of water for me.
I eat, sensing that my bosses will only be satisfied when I do. However, my head is pounding, and I give up on acting strong.
“I still don’t feel well,” I admit. “I think it’s better if I go home.”
“Of course,” April says.
“Do you need me to drive you?” Rebel offers.
“I think I can make it.”
Rebel insists, “I’ll call my cousin who runs a taxi. You shouldn’t ride your bike right now.”
Despite my protests, Rebel practically shoves me into a taxi, and April stands outside my door, warning me that she’ll call tonight to check on me.
I give my bosses an appreciative smile and head home. The moment I get to my apartment, I collapse into the sofa and curl my knees against my chest.
My thoughts are on my sister. The last time I saw Gwen, we were fighting. Brennon had just rejected me, and I knew it was because of his love for her. I was cruel, intentionally twisting the knife in to make her hurt the way I was hurting.
And I had no idea that she’d flown all the way back home to tell me she was pregnant.
I push myself up and drag myself to the kitchen. Shaking out the sleeping pills, I knock them back and return to the couch. Once I lie down, I squeeze my eyes shut and beg for sleep to come, but it won’t.
