Page 208 of Ice Darling
I hold my breath.
“After I left the garage that day, I wasn’t sure what to think…”
A lump forms in my throat and I hold myself perfectly still.
“… When you said you didn’t want to be a mother, it felt like I’d wound up right back in the same place. Except this time, I had more experience and a daughter to protect. I kept wondering if something was wrong with me, maybe I was just delusional.”
The lump in my throat gets bigger.
“But the more I thought about you and how you treat Gordie, the more your actions weren’t matching your words. So,” he exhales so hard that the tiny, living room window rattles, “I did some digging.”
“Into what?” I ask, my eyes searching his.
“Into Gwen.” He pauses. “And Ray.”
I gasp. “You… know about Ray?”
“I… met Ray,” he says carefully. At my surprised expression, Renthrow adds, “He was in town.”
“What?” I shriek. “He washere?”My mind darts back to the text Ray sent me and the pieces click into place. It all makes sense. In an astonished voice, I mutter, “It was you. You’re the reason Ray apologized to me. What did you do to him?”
The Ray I know would never stop his vendetta so easily.
Renthrow glances away. “Let’s just say, he’ll never bother you again.”
“I can’t believe this,” I whisper, stunned.
“I know it wasn’t my place to intervene. But I couldn’t stand it when I learned how terrible he was to you. And to Gwen.”
“Wait. How did he treat Gwen?”
Renthrow falls silent.
Lacing my voice with steel, I ask again, “How?”
“He cheated on her.”
“What?”
“Your mom found out after your sister passed.”
“You’re...are you kidding me?” I shoot to my feet. Rage pumps through my veins, pounding a war cry against the man who swore his commitment to my sister. “How could he?” I pace the tiny living room. There’s not much space to go back and forth so I just manage small circles. “That grimy piece of work! I should tear himandhis car to pieces.”
“Cordelia…” Renthrow rises, hands extended to me in a placating gesture.
“Is he still in town?” I start stomping to the door.
“He’s long gone. I called the Sherrif’s office to confirm it just in case.”
“After all the things he said to me, all the ways he blamed me—he…” I shake my head, remembering Ray’s harassment. “He’s the one who hurt her the most and he put it all on me instead.”
My feet root into the floor as a new emotion takes over. I can’t believe I let a cheating scumbag like Ray dictate my life for so long. I left my job, left my home, didn’t attend my sister’s funeral, to placate him. I pushed April, May and Rebel away to punish myself for the wrongs he said I committed. I refused to believe I was good enough to be a mother to Gordie or to any other child because he said I was a curse to my sister.
Gwen called me the adventurer, the brave one, but I became a shell of myself. I became someone unrecognizable.
All for a man who didn’t value my sister at all.
I feel Renthrow’s fingers gently wrap around mine and he leads me back to the couch. At his touch, the anger, regret and pain fade. They don’t disappear completely—it’ll probably take a long time before they do—but it’s like the noise drops from a decibel of ten to a decibel of three.
