Page 209 of Ice Darling
My eyes meet Renthrow’s and he gives my hand a little squeeze. In that moment, I’m hit with an extraordinary dose of peace. My ragged breaths turn smoother. The ache in my chest fades.
Renthrow is here.
And he’s holding me.
That’s enough to convince me that, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, it’s all going to be okay.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.
“I,” I take a deep breath and pick apart my thoughts, “I’m angry that Ray betrayed Gwen. I’m angry she gave so much of her life to someone so despicable. I’m furious that he followed me around acting like the devoted husband exacting revenge on Gwen’s behalf. He told me all these lies about Gwen and how she felt about me before she died. And that wasn’t the case at all.”
My voice shakes, but Renthrow’s steadying touch gives me strength.
“I’m also thinking that I wasn’t completely innocent either. I was selfish and immature with Gwen. But I’msorelieved to know that my last words to my sister didn't change how she viewed me. I never got to tell her, but she really was my best friend.”
“It’s okay. You can cry,” he says gently, sensing how emotional I am.
There are no more tears left. I’m tired of crying and I don’t think Gwen would want me to continue shedding tears.
I swallow hard and admit, “Do you want to know what I’m most upset about?”
He leans forward as if to say ‘go on’.
“I’m angry that IletRay control me. I let someone else tell me how I should think and feel about myself.” I place my other hand over Renthrow’s. “I lost sight of who I really was. And it took coming to Lucky Falls and meeting you to point me back in the right direction.”
He pushes my hair behind my ear, his eyes shining with pride. “You would have found your way back eventually, sweetheart.”
“Even so, I took too long.”
“You were right on time,” he encourages, leaning in to kiss my forehead.
I scoot closer to him on the couch and wrap my arms around his waist. “I’m done letting other people’s standards define me. I’m Cordelia Davenport.” My bottom lip quivers as I remember Gwen’s video, harkening me back to the truth of who I am. “I have always and Iwillalways live on my own terms and with the people that matter to me.”
Renthrow tilts his head, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Hypothetically, if there was a semi-professional hockey player with a very impressive Hello Kitty collection and a genius little girl who really,reallywanted you to be in their lives, how would you feel about that?”
“I would say it depends.”
Renthrow scrunches his nose. “On what?”
“How often do I have to watch princess movies? Because I can do one, maybe two, but a marathon is off-the-table.”
Renthrow laughs and brings my hands to his lips to kiss it. Then he tugs me to my feet.
“Where are we going?” I wonder as he nudges me to put on my shoes at the door.
“I have something to show you.”
“What is it?” I look down at his pants pockets.
“Let’s go downstairs first.”
Curiosity fills my chest and I race out the door. My feet thud on the apartment staircase, and I’m dragging Renthrow behind me.
“We don’t have to rush, sweetheart. Slow down before you trip.”
I rein in the pace and, a few seconds later, we burst out of the apartment building. My eyes sweep the parking lot, looking for Renthrow’s truck.
“Cordelia!” Renthrow calls, and I turn to the side,stunnedto find him leaning against a motorcycle with a side car. The bike is green with a thinner frame than I’m used to seeing, and the gas tank area is flat, which tells me it has in a battery and not an engine. However, the bars are curved inward like a motorcycle’s handles, and there’s a grip handle similar to my bike.
