Page 85 of Bad Boy for Hire
“Count yourself lucky I’m here instead of her. She ain’t happy with you.”
“Yeah, well, that’s going around.”
“Again I ask: what were you thinking?”
“I’ve done plenty of thinking.”
“You didn’t talk to May about what you’ve been thinking about.” Ant raised his eyebrows.
“And I owe you an explanation?”
“Owe? No. But it would behoove you to speak up while you still have friends.”
Xavier blinked, alarmed. In no scenario had he considered losing friends over this breakup. Not even May.
Rather than address that concern, Ant continued. “May is a woman who handles everything on her own, and you’ve been making plans without looping her in. That’s fucked.”
He knew that already. “I wasn’t trying to cut her out, I was trying to make sure she had everything she needed. I was trying to make sure she wasn’t doing too much in addition to having a baby.” He lowered his voice. “She needs stability, a foundation.”
Ant simply stared at him.
“What?”
“Stability? Foundation? She’s not a project, Xavier. She’s your partner. Or she was, anyway, until you fucked it up.”
“Look, if this is your idea of helping?—”
“This is your swift kick in the ass. At the moment, it’s not literal. You’re welcome.” Ant sighed like he was tired. When he glanced up, he was a calmer version of himself. “Single and in love is no way to be, brother.”
Xavier lowered himself onto his couch, the truth hitting harder than expected.
Ant sat in the chair across from him. “Got something to say?”
“I love her. I know that. I told my mom that.”
“That’s a start. You planning on telling May? Seems like every time you have an epiphany you share it with everyone but her.”
Xavier palmed the back of his neck and rubbed. That was an inconvenient truth, which Ant seemed to be full of today. “Sounds bad when you say it like that.”
“No other way to say it.” Ant leaned back in the chair. “I did the same damn thing to Lou for years. After she and Liam split, I loved her from far away. Suppressed those feelings for a long time. I thought it was the right thing to do—protecting her. I’d convinced myself she could do better, even though it ate a hole through me that I couldn’t pursue her.”
“But you did.”
“Finally. I should have told her the second I caught Liam kissing that other woman, but I didn’t. I convinced myself that I was punishing him by making him confess.” Ant lifted and dropped one hand. “In the end, it looked like I was loyal to that prick. Like I had chosen him over Lourdes.”
Xavier pressed his lips together. Had he been convincing himself he had May’s best interest in mind, when really he’d been looking out for himself?
“You waited a long time to be with May. Now you’re letting her go.”
“I’m not letting her go. I’m picking my moment.”
“You’re protecting yourself. But you don’t have the luxury of time when love is on the line. Especially when that love is carrying your child. I’m not saying you have to marry her or move in with her, or do anything traditional. What I’m saying is that you have to give her all of the information. Something you haven’t been great at up until now.”
“So, I, what? Show up at her house? Or, hey, how about I show up at her work? Maybe blurt out my feelings there? Jewell would love that.” The beer bottle was growing warm in his palms—his sweaty palms. Why was the idea of baring his heart and soul so fucking scary? May didn’t deserve any less.
Ant shrugged his broad shoulders. “Sounds good to me.”
“She might tell me to fuck off.”
