Page 39 of The Biker and the Professor
Always obedient to his commands, even when I don’t mean to be, I lift my head and my contrite gaze finds his betrayed one. With an arid mouth and a heavy tongue, I tell him, “This is what I want.”
“Cool.” His jaw tics as he moves back from me. “And just to be clear, the Club Cats have free reign with my cock, yeah?”
My stomach churns. Bile rises in my throat. Just the thought of him touching another woman makes me want to throw up. He’s mine. His body is mine. His cock is mine. His dominance is mine. He’s given it all tome.
He’s kicked the ball in my court, the power is in my hands. All I have to do is take it all back and ask him to stay, and it will all remain mine. But instead, I confirm in a choked voice, “Free reign.”
Unable to watch him leave, I turn away and train my eyes down to the fluffy, gray area rug.
Only when I hear the rustle of his jeans, the scuff of his boots and the slam of my front door do I bolt to the bathroom and throw up.
Chapter 14
Toni
I broke myown heart.
Isn't that something? I broke my own heart to protect myself from getting said heart broken by someone else, and in the process of my own self-preservation, I broke someone else’s heart.
Granted, I'm not sure if he even loves me or how he truly feels about it.But what Idoremember is the hurt in his eyes, the betrayal, the regret.
I'm in pain, but not as much pain as I would have been in had I allowed us to continue down a path where I’d be left vulnerable, open, and susceptible to being hurt, abused, or taken advantage of.
It hurts now, but it will be worth it all in the long run. A small price to pay. I’ll heal faster, because the wound is not as deep as it would’ve been hadhebeen the one to hurt me.
I’m sorry. I love him with all of me. But I just...can't.
After he left last night, I went upstairs and found that all of his things were still there. It threw me for a loop. If he hadn’t packed to leave, then what was in the bag? I had jumped to conclusions, first that he was ending things, and second that he was leaving. I’d been wrong about both.
Heartbroken, sick to my stomach, eyes swollen with tears, I dressed into one of his t-shirts and boxers, then curled up in bed and cried myself to sleep.
This morning, I mentally prepare myself before sending him a quick text.
Me:I packed your things. Let me know when you want to pick them up.
Hours later, he replies with only two words, “Burn them.”
I don’t. Instead, I transfer them to the guest bedroom downstairs. He still has his key, and I won't ask him to give it back. For some strange reason, I like the idea of him having that access to me, as twisted as it sounds.
~
Forthe entire weekend, I dreaded my upcoming calculus class. I knew he would be there, I knew I'd have to face him, and it’s not at all something I looked forward to.
How do I face the man I both love and hurt? How do I face him after all we've done together? How do I go back to just being his professor after knowing what it feels like to have his mouth on me? After knowing what it feels like to have him inside me?Howdo I do that?
Just like I thought it would, seeing him again splinters my heart.
He’s here, on time as usual, but this time he’s not looking at me. Neither with lust nor disgust. This time, he’s giving the girls what they've always wanted: his attention.
They flirt, and he flirts back. They touch him and he lets them. One gives him her number in the middle of my class, and he takes it, pockets it. He doesn’t look at me once, not even when I ask him to solve a problem on the board, willing him to look at me so I can tell him with my eyes how sorry I am.
His attention has always been significant to me, and I believe he knows that. He’s determined to deprive me, because not once do our eyes meet. Not even for a quick second.
My heart is lacerated, and it’s all my own doing.
It’s hard, but it’s necessary.
~
