Page 53 of The Biker and the Gamer
It did not.
It was strange, awkward, and somewhat painful to say the least. And hot. So very hot. It was a freaking furnace shack back there.
The healer read into our lives and told us we’re soulmates. But he also said I had atenderheart, so what the hell does he know?
"I think he's full of crap, that's what I think," I reply.
Alec laughs as if unsurprised by my response. "Of course you would, babe."
Translation:I think you're the one who’s full of shit, babe.
Although we have a pretty solid relationship, and most of our arguments surround stupid shit, I'm still not the most honest about my feelings. Compared to him, who's not afraid of being himself with me and letting me know exactly what he's feeling on the inside.
I understand that in many ways my shields can be frustrating. They stop him from truly getting to know me on a deeper level. And that’s the one thing he wants more than anything else: to understand me.
But I'm me—not the easiest person to know or “get.” Not even for him, the man I love more than anything in this world.
For his sake, sometimes I wish I was different. Wish I was tender, softer, a little more open, a little more touchy-feely, emotional, romantic... I beat myself up about it.
Then I remind myself that he knew who he was falling in love with when he decided to go for it. He knew who he was choosing to spend his life with. He knew beforehand what a relationship with me was going to be like. So instead of beating myself up, I try to be the best version of myself and the best girlfriend that I can.
For now, I can be only as open as my personality will allow me, only as vulnerable as my emotions will allow me, only as gentle as my heart will allow me. Truth is,Idon’t even know me sometimes. I surprise myself more often than not.
At the end of the day, Alec Vaughn gets the best of me. In every way. No one knows me like he does—as much as he thinks he doesn't. He'll just have to be patient with me to get to my core.
"I love you," he says after a while, a lock of hair, wet from humidity, hanging down his forehead. "And I wholeheartedly believe that you are my soulmate."
He does. Of course he does. He believes in us so much more than I do. And being loved by him is the greatest feeling in the world. Never did I imagine I would mean this much to someone.
Alec treats me like a precious jewel, and I know now that a girl like me could only be for a man like him. An alpha who hides his feelings would never have worked for me. A broken man with a broken past would never have been right. A dominant, controlling man wouldn’t have worked either. Because what I didn’t realize before, is that I need a man open and honest enough about his feelings to verbally remind me every day thatI am loved. I amworth it.
Because I'm broken frommybroken past, and since the blind can’t lead the blind, I need someone with a sunny, positive outlook on life to lead me out of the dark.
Because I’m stubborn and willful, and since the more you try to control me the more I rebel, I need someone who’s patient with me, who doesn’t try to change me, but who allows me to beme.
At first glance, Alec and I don't seem like the most likely couple, but there couldn't have been anyone more perfect for me.
~
Sometime later, when my leg muscles are tight from pedalling, we arrive at the location of our next adventure.
Alec is polite and respectful, so he listens and responds courteously to Naki as he explains this excursion.
As for me, I'm shaking my head and backing the hell up out of there. Nope, nope, nope.
Alec had been very nearly accurate in his joke earlier about what this next stop would be. A lake of muddy water with people frolicking about, immersing themselves, birds shitting on their heads as they sing and dance and pray.
Yeah, I'm sure this is fun for some people, but it’snotmy kind of fun.
When Alec turns from the host to me, I blurt, "This isn’t happening. Let’s go back to the hotel and have sex instead."
His grin is bigger than the universe, his eyes alight with humor. "Yep, she's definitely my soul mate."
~
“Now that’s what you call an adventure,” I gasp out as I collapse into a heap onto Alec’s hard, sweaty chest, worn and out of breath.
“Jesus,” he pants out. “Not sure I’ll ever be able to keep up with you. You’re…an…animal.”
