Page 43 of The Biker and the Gamer
Shit. There I go again. “Sorry, I didn’t say that to hurt you.”
“It’s fine.” He sweeps his thumb across my cheek. “I’m the one who should be apologizing, actually. I didn’t realize how selfish of me that was to ask until now. All I thought about for the past couple of weeks was you moving back with me. Because that’s what would make me happy, having you with me all the time. But I never considered what you would have to give up—what makesyouhappy. So, I’m sorry.”
He takes my hands and lifts them to his chest. “I only wish there’d been more time for me to prove to you that I’m worth it. Because I’d give it all up and follow you around the globe if you asked me to.”
Despite my efforts to hold it back, a lone tear rolls down my cheek. “That’s ‘cause you’re an idiot. A total fool.”
“Only for you,” he counters.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he lifts my hands to his mouth, brushes his lips over my knuckles, then expels a pained sigh.
We stay like that for a long time, and with each passing second, a piece of my heart chips away. I don’t want him to go, but I don’t want to go with him. Denver is my home. Chockfull of more bad memories than good, but the people I love the most are all here, and all their loves combined outweighs the love I have for him. That truth makes me so sad.
Alec is what I’ve never had, what I never knew I needed, and the first and only man I’ve ever truly loved. Despite all that, I choose my family. And I don’t know if that’s the best or worst decision I’ll ever make.
When he opens his eyes again, his stare is as intense and stripping as it has always been.
I whisper, “You’re leaving in a few days.”
“I’m leaving in a few days,” he confirms. “Without you.”
“I’ll pack a small suitcase,” I tell him. “Come stay with you ‘til you leave. Your loft and office are closer to the shop, so it’ll be easier for us, give us more time together. That’s the closest thing to ‘moving away’ that I can offer right now.”
“And I’m taking it,” he replies with a sad smile. “Greedily.”
Tipping up on my toes, I kiss him. It’s soft and slow and forlorn. It feels as if he’s already gone even though he’s right here in front of me. I wish I had the courage to say yes and go with him. I wish I was that girl. But I can’t force myself to be someone I’m not. Even if I was willing to leave my family, I don’t fit California and have never once thought about going there. Plus, who would I even know there, save for Alec and Cedric—who, incidentally,loathesme? I’d have to start all over again, and I’m not the kind of person that people “take to” at first, second,orthird meeting. I’m hard to get to know and I’m hated more than I’m loved. So running off to a sunny state for the sake of romance? That would turn to resentment real quick.
Later that night, when we’re back at his loft and snuggled up in his bed—with me curled up like a fetus and his hard body spooned around mine—his breath singes the back of my neck as he whispers, “Kendra?”
“Hmm?” I hum sleepily.
“Do you think you could ever fall in love with a guy like me?”
I don’t answer. Because I don’t want to lie, but I also don’t want to tell the truth.
But if our hearts could speak to each other, mine would tell his, ‘I fell in love with you before our first kiss.Not because of who you are, but because of how you make me feel. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’
Alec
"So, what doyou think?"
Cedric's voice jolts me from my stupor. I blink into the now. Take in my surroundings. The expectant eyes trained on me.
Oh, right. I was daydreamingagain. I'mnotin Denver.Notat the pool house in Cherry Hills Village popping open a can of Mountain Dew forherwhile she nibbles on my neck. Nope, it was all just a vision—a vision I wish were true.
I'd rather be there with her.
But I'm not. I’m in the conference room of Vaughn and Drake Entertainment Headquarters in Silicon Valley. Seated at the helm of the table while a team of people stares at me expectantly. For the life of me, I can’t remember why I'm here or what this meeting is about.
"Good,” I say. “It's good."
"Good?" Cedric echoes in a disbelieving tone, a sly smirk on his lips. "You think making Syla gay is good?"
"What?" Nowthisgets my attention. "No. What? Why would Syla be gay?"
"Because her character is too alpha to be straight," Tom, one of our creative leads offers. "That's a huge turnoff for most men and girls find it intimidating. We're trying to sell her to our audience. If she's gay, well… Dudes will think she’s hot and girls will want to be her. Our only other option is to soften her a little, make her more vulnerable, relatable,likeable."
Except sheisall of those things. You just have to be willing to throw yourself at her thorns and get close enough to see. See how beautiful, soft, vulnerable and goddamnloveableshe is.
