Page 90 of The Bronze Garza
One non-date. One clasp of my hand on top of his thigh. One cuddle in bed. One brush of his thumb across my cheek.
Not enough.
But still enough.
He’smine, mine, mine.
I want it. I need it. I’m willing it. I’m believing it.
This will be my home.
This will be my room.
This is where I’ll surrender to him. Where he’ll claim me and own me and brand me as his.
Inhaling deeply, I let the imminence of it all settle over me.
I want him. I want him. I want him.
He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine.
I takea long shower in his en suite bathroom. Lather with his shower gel and wash my hair with his shampoo.
I borrow a wife-beater and a pair of boxers. My sex tingling at the knowledge that his cock has rested against this same fabric. Unbearably aroused from wearing his undergarments, I climb into his unmade bed, pull the sheets up over me, and press my thighs together. I haven’t masturbated since I was taken. I just haven’t been able to get it done. Even if I started out thinking of moss-green eyes and bronze skin, it always ended up morphing into the faces of all the men who’ve impermissibly been on top of me.
Legs shifting restlessly under the sheets, I’m tempted now. Badly. But I roll to my side, close my eyes, and will the urge away.
No one, not even myself, is allowed to touch me anymore.
No one buthim.
Only him.
Whenever he’s ready.
~
Words wake me. Words that won’t shut up.
I’m enveloped in heat. A hard body molded behind mine, a strong arm curved around my middle. Swollen with contentment, my heart sighs. It feels safe. Like a haven. I want to sag into the cocoon and never leave, but the words in my head won’t let me.
I start to pull out of his hold, but his arm tighten around my middle. Voice groggy, breath hot on my neck, he asks, “Where you going?”
“To write.”
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t have your computer. Go back to sleep.”
“I can use my phone.”
“You don’t have that either.”
“Any pen and paper in your office?”
Grumbling something intelligible, he rolls away from me. As I go to get out of bed, he’s there again, keeping me in place.
