Page 142 of The True Garza
“Her name was Jenna.”
“Who?”
“The girl I loved.”
Now this gives me pause. He’s been in love before? “What happened? She broke your heart so badly you swore off love and became a Lothario?”
He shakes his head. “I couldn’t be faithful to her. I wanted to; fuck, I wanted to. But I kept screwing up. I kept cheating. Kept hurting her. I’d watch her cry every time, and I’d promise not to fuck around again. And then I’d get bored and go do it again. She loved me enough to keep forgiving me, and I was too selfish to let her go. So, I kept her locked into that toxic relationship with me for almost two years. Until she finally left.”
Wow.“How old were you?”
“Around twenty, twenty-one.” He kicks at the sand. “I thought maybe I was a sex addict, so I went to get help and was diagnosed with ADHD instead. And, yeah, I know there are people who’re able to have committed relationships with this, but it just feels so fucking impossible for me. It’s the thrill and the rush ofnewthat my brain seems to love. Rewards. I getsofucking bored so fast that I gave up on trying to form connections with women. ’Cause I’d be deeply interested and drawn to you this week, and completely disinterested by next week. Nothing lasts with me. Nothing. And I’ve got no control over it. Jenna is happily married with kids now. She wouldn’t have had that if she stayed with me.”
He turns to me then, his eyes finding mine. “I love you, London. I love you with every cell in my body. You’re so deeply embedded into me that it physically hurts to be away from you. But….” His chest swells high, then deflates with a sigh. “But loving you won’t stop me from hurting you. Medically, I’m a piece of shit. I’m fucked up. I can’t…I can’t be your Prince Charming.”
He didn’t even have to say the words. Every patient moment he spent with me over the past two months told me he loves me.He loves me. I already knew it. My heart ignores all the other alarming details and focuses only on that one fact. True Garzalovesme.
But it’s not enough.
“I… wow.” I reach over and take his hand in mine. “Why didn’t you just tell me this?”
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Probably not,” I admit. “But I would’ve at least understood things a little more. And it would’ve been my choice if I wanted to stay or go.”
“You chose. You left. ’Cause you wanted more. And youdeservemore. Like Jenna did.”
“Yeah, but still….”
“Knowing the details doesn’t make a difference or change the fact that I can’t commit. And I refuse to put you through what I put her through. I—I can’t.”
“Hey, hey, I understand.” I squeeze his fingers. “Thank you for being honest with me. I’ll stop telling you I love you if it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Stop? I’ll cut off your air flow if you dare.”
“Look at you, always threatening me with a good time.”
He chuckles, muttering, “And they wonder why I can’t leave you alone.”
With a sad sigh, I rest my head on his shoulder. “What are we going to do, then? Since you clearly can’t stay away from me, andIdon’t want you to, because I’m crazy in love with you.”
He kisses my forehead. “I don’t know.”
CHAPTER Thirty-Five
“I needed your permission.”
Lonny
“Tor and Lyra’s reception isnext Sunday. I want you to come with me.”
True pushes me forward on the swing, catches me when gravity pulls me back, then shoves me forward again.
We’re at the neighborhood playground at almost midnight, because he’s made a habit of taking me out for walks at night “to cool me off.” And sometimes, like now, he forces me to do shit like sit on a swing so he can push me.
He’s so irritating and pushy. But I love him.
“Me?” I laugh. “Shouldn’t you be going with someone a little more… functional and altogether? I mean, look at us. I’m like an old lady, and you’re my caretaker.”
