Page 31 of Twice
“She might not recognize you,” he warned.
“Why not?”
“It’s been eleven years. I don’t know what kind of shape she’s in.”
We had to look up the facility in the phone book. It was a single-level, red brick structure, with pale green carpet and easy-listening music playing over the speakers. We asked for my grandmother at the front desk. When they brought her out, she was in a wheelchair, and since we hadn’t called ahead, I thought she’d be surprised to see us. But she quickly took my hand and smiled, causing her face to wrinkle into so many lines, it seemed as if she were drawn with an Etch A Sketch. Her cheekbones nearly pushed through her tanned skin, and her straight hair, silver and white, still hung over her forehead in bangs. Her grip was strong.
“You, I want to talk to,” she told me, ignoring my dad.
She motioned the orderly to take us down the hall, and I looked back at my father, who nodded as if to say,Do as she wants.We left him in the lobby, went to her room together, and started talking.
That conversation changed everything.
?
“You got big,” she said.
“Yeah.”
“Very tall now.”
“I guess.”
“And what are you going to do with your life?”
“I don’t know. I like music.”
“Mmm. Like your mother.”
She pointed to a glass of water, which I retrieved from her bureau. She took a long sip, then put the glass down so deliberately, you’d have thought it contained explosives.
“So, Alfie,” she said. “Got any cigarettes?”
“Yaya!” I laughed. “They let you smoke in here?”
“Of course, not. That’s why I asked.”
She ran her gaze up and down my body. I remembered as a child feeling that whenever she looked at me, there was something she wasn’t saying. I felt that way now.
“You have to understand,” she suddenly blurted out, “I was very angry at your father! Keeping us apart all these years! Last time I saw you, you were a child. Now look! Look at what I missed! Terrible!”
Her voice rose to a frustrated pitch. “I shouldn’t have screamed at him. But I couldn’t help it! I was mad!”
“When did you scream at him?”
“Just now. When you came in.”
“Yaya,” I said softly, “you didn’t say a word to him.”
She waved her fingers dismissively.
“The first time. I reamed him out pretty good.”
“What are you talking about?”
She stared straight at me, boring her eyes into mine. I felt myself shiver. Then, as if finishing a test, she relaxed and leaned back.
“You know what I’m talking about.”
