Page 87 of Twice
“OK.”
“Give me a second to get cleaned up.”
“Yeah.”
She hung up her coat and headed to the bathroom.
“Gianna?”
She turned her head.
“It’s nice to be home.”
She nodded. “That’s good,” she said.
It was anything but.
?
Love is different, my grandmother had warned.It’s the only thing you can’t do twice.
I did remember that conversation, Boss. But time had worn down its urgency. Maybe I thought it didn’t apply to me. Maybe I just wanted to think that.
At first, with Gianna, I blamed our new dynamic on the length of my absence. When you’re gone a long time, it takes a while to readjust. We didn’t make love my first night back, citing exhaustion, nor did we the next two nights, going to bed at different times. When we finally did, that weekend, it felt familiar, but almost obligatory. I admit, comparing it to the passion of Nicolette in a Mexican hotel room wasn’t fair to my wife. But then, none of this was.
I thought back to that visit with my grandmother, when she held her photo album and teared up at the image of an old flame.
This woman. Gianna. Is it true love?
I think it is.
Then I’m worried, Alfie.
About what?
That you’ll do something stupid.
Had I done that? Had I angered the force that granted me this power? Even writing that makes me sound like I was a victim, when the truth was, whatever I had done, I had done to myself. But my habit of fixing things had made me think I could fix this, too. I didn’t realize how wrong I was until a month after I’d been home, when the consequence of my wandering heart became clear.
Gianna and I had re-immersed ourselves in old routines, seeing friends, going to movies. We were cordial enough. When I asked her “Is everything all right?” her answer was always “Fine.”
Then, on a Monday night, we were sitting on the couch, when a commercial came on the TV for a household cleaner. It showed babies making a big mess of things, paint on their faces, soup in their laps, a litter box they’d overturned.
“Cute kids,” I said.
Gianna nodded silently.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“About children?”
She shrugged.
I knew from experience she was yearning for a family. I also knew it was dangerous to bring this up, because it had led to all the things that had unraveled us the first time. But trying to find my way through the smoke, I stepped into the fire.
“Do you want us to try for a baby?” I asked.
