“I got the idea from this book.” Once again, Bella held upThe Southern Belle’s Guide to Etiquette.
“May I see that?”
Bella passed the book across the table, and Wilma opened it up to a random page and found herself confronted by a jewel-colored illustration of female genitalia. Convinced she couldn’t be seeing things right, Wilma squinted and brought the book close to her face. She’d been alive for eighty-four years. She’d had three husbands and six children. And yet until thatvery moment, Wilma had been laboring under the misconception that her urethral opening was in a different spot. She was suddenly jealous of the rich girls who’d owned copies ofThe Southern Belle’s Guide to Etiquette. What else had they known that she didn’t? Then a light went on in Wilma’s brain. She closed the book and opened it back up at the title page. Someone had slipped the dust cover ofThe Southern Belle’s Guide to EtiquetteoverA Girl’s Guide to the Revolution.
Wilma was familiar with that title, too. She’d seen it in the paper on the town’s list of banned books.
“Where did you say you found this?” she asked her great-granddaughter.
“Lula Dean’s little library,” Bella said, without mentioning a word about Lindsay.
Wilma wouldn’t have thought Lula had it in her. “Hop up,” she ordered her great-granddaughter. “You and I are going for a walk.”
“Where are we going? You’re not mad about the library, are you?”
“Hell no, child. We’re going to your school,” Wilma said. “You ever hear of Title IX?”
Bella nodded. “There’s a chapter about it in my book, but I haven’t gotten to it yet.”
“Title IX is a federal law that forbids sex-based discrimination in schools. That means your school can’t have one set of rules for girls and another for boys. The dress code as it’s written is illegal.”
“That’s right!” Bella exclaimed. “Mama said you used to be a lawyer.”
“I’m still a goddamned lawyer,” Wilma told her.
It had been ages since Wilma had taken a stroll through town. It wasn’t that she was feeble, like her family assumed. She’d simply lost interest in life. Maybe that was what her children had picked up on. Her body had been functioning, but her heart wasn’t in it. The woman who’d broken the governor’s toe had slipped away. That’s why they’d treated her like she was half dead. For all intents and purposes she had been.
On the way to the school, Wilma and Bella stopped in front of the Dean house. A post rose above the white pickets of Lula’s fence. Fixed to the top was a wooden hutch in the shape of a house, its walls lavender and decorated with hand-painted flowers. The cabinet’s door was a glass window through which three shelves of titles could be browsed.
“You sure this is where you got the book?”
“That’s it,” Bella confirmed.
The remaining books seemed ridiculous. Wilma spottedChicken Soup for the SoulandBuffy Halliday Goes to Europe!
“Look, here’s one for you!” Bella opened the library and pulled out a copy of101 Cakes to Bake for Your Familyand handed it to her great-grandmother. “Didn’t you say you wanted to try something new for the party?”
Wilma opened it and staggered back a step before recovering. Bella let out a whoop.
“Yep,” Wilma said, snapping the book shut. “You were right, sweetie. This one will do perfectly.”
Later in May, the entire Cummings family gathered in the backyard at Wilma’s house. Once again, Wilma had baked herself a giant birthday cake. Unlike previous years, this cake remained carefully concealed behind a folding screen until everyone who’d RSVP’d had arrived.
The hidden cake was the cause for much speculation—most of which Wilma, still presumed to be hard of hearing, was able to enjoy. The screen hid a disaster, the guests had concluded. She simply couldn’t have pulled it off again this year. This would almost certainly be the last celebration of this sort, they said. The old girl didn’t have it in her anymore.
When the time came, Bella (who’d decided to stick with her given name) was the one who got everyone’s attention.
“Wilma wants me to thank you for coming! She made this year’s birthday cake from scratch and she’d like to dedicate it to all y’all. But beforewe get started, I’ll need all the great-grandchildren to follow me inside for a special surprise!”
Once the kids were safe in the house, Wilma stepped forward and opened the screen. Behind it stood a four-foot-tall penis cake rising from a base of two hairy balls.
Cissy looked like she might faint.
“We really should get this on camera for court,” Dean muttered.
“Poor thing has lost her mind,” one of his daughters whispered.
“I’ve lost my mind, have I?” Wilma demanded, demonstrating her excellent hearing. “I think it expresses my feelings perfectly. Y’all have been a bunch of pricks lately. By the way, I’d like you to meet my representative, Ms. Dorinda James from the Atlanta firm James, Jackson and Monroe.”
