Page 133 of The Dead Ex
The barrister apologizes.
‘What exactly did you mean when you said you wentinto self-defence mode?’
I know this isn’t going to sound good. But it’s the truth. ‘I learned how to look after myself when I was training to be a prison officer.’
‘Did you hurt her?’
‘Not directly.’
‘Please be clearer than that.’
‘She … well, she hit her head on a table when I pushed her away.’
I feel too guilty to look at Penny. I should have told her about this earlier. But I’d hopedto get away without talking about it.
‘Rather like when you broke a prisoner’s collar bone and caused neck injuries to another?’
‘Maybe,’ I whisper.
‘Louder please.’
‘Maybe. But I don’t think I hurt her. Not badly.’
‘How do you know?’
‘She was still talking afterwards. She told me to get out. So I did.’
‘Do you also recall strangling her with a chain?’
‘No.’
‘But is it possible you mighthave forgotten owing to your medication?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Yet you said just now that you forgot things. So how can you be certain?’
‘I’m not a murderer.’
‘I believe that is for the jury to decide. What did you do with the chain?’
‘I didn’t have one.’
The barrister gives a heavy sigh. ‘The neighbour reported seeing that you were holding something in your hand, which you then put in yourbag as you ran.’
‘Yes. I was.’
It’s as though the court is holding its breath. I feel embarrassed now. It seems so trivial, although at the time it seemed the right thing to do.
‘When I went into Tanya and David’s house, I saw something that used to belong to me. So I took it.’
‘Youstolesomething?’
‘No. Like I said, it was mine. It must have got muddledup in David’s half when we dividedour things after the divorce.’
‘What was it?’
‘A wooden love spoon that had belonged to my mother, who died when I was young. It had deep sentimental value for me. Tanya picked it up and I thought she was going to hit me with it. Later, after she put it down, I grabbed it. I couldn’t bear to think of that woman having it. David should have known better. He ought to have returned it.’
