Page 141 of The Dead Ex
‘What did you call her?’
‘Alice.’ Tears are streaming down Mum’s face. ‘After Alice in Wonderland. Remember how it was one of your favourite stories?’
This is too much to bear. A sister? What does she look like? Is it possible that I’ve actually passed her on the street? Supposing she doesn’t try to trace us when she’s older? Supposing she does and Mum is dead by then?
And that’s when I make my decision. My initial feeling after David had gone missing was that I couldn’t possibly go ahead with a pregnancy that hadn’t even been planned. But thenmy body changed. Food started to taste metallic. My breasts became sore. I was sick every morning. How could a little tiny seed do this? The picture of ‘it’ sucking its thumb on the three-month scan made me realize I couldn’t have an abortion. Instead, I’d go for adoption and give my child a better life. But to be honest, I began to get doubts from the moment I felt the first kick. Now the discoverythat Mum had to give up my sister – and the effect on her – has helped me finally make up my mind.
‘I’m going to bring up the baby myself,’ I blurt out.
Mum’s eyes instantly brighten. ‘I’m so glad! A grandchild will give me something to live for.’
I feel both relief and terror. I’m due to give birth any day. How are we going to cope?
‘You’ll need a DNA test as soon as it’s born so you canget maintenance,’ adds Mum, her eyes narrowing.
I shake my head firmly. ‘I’m not going to bother.’
‘Why the fuck not?’
‘I don’t want to be constantly chasing him for payments. And if there is an inheritance at some point, I don’t want his dirty money. I’d rather manage on our own.’
I almost add the words ‘like we did’, but that wouldn’t be truthful. Wehadn’tmanaged.
Instead, I vow to myself,I will do things differently.
DAILY TELEGRAPH,7 NOVEMBER 2018
The body found at Deadman’s Creek in Cornwall has been identified as 49-year-old Jackie Wood, a former prison officer.
A witness saw the deceased hovering at the top before finally leaping to the rocks below. A suicide note was later found at her home. The police are not looking for anyone else in connection with the death.
63
Vicki
15 November 2018
I’ve taken my solicitor’s advice and stayed put in Penzance. Despite my fears that I’d be the centre of curiosity or pity or ridicule (or all three), the town has become almost protective of me.
‘Some journalist was sniffing around here yesterday,’ one of my neighbours informs me. ‘Sent him packing. Thanks for the treatment, by the way. I’m sleeping a lot better now.Funny. I’d never have thought of aromatherapy until you moved in.’
It’s heart-warming. I’ve even joined a yoga class, although I have to quietly tell the teacher that I suffered from epilepsy. ‘I haven’t had a seizure for a while now,’ I say, with my fingers crossed.
‘Don’t worry,’ she reassures me. ‘My niece has it too, so I know what to do. It’s more common than we realize.’
Very true.
I spend my spare time walking up and down the seafront. The open air gives me an immense wave of freedom. I read. But never the news.
Yet I still can’t get rid of a nagging feeling that something isn’t right. It’s not just that Patrick has failed to get in touch. I thought that his pursuit of Zelda meant that he still cared for me in some way. But obviously not.
And then comes the brown envelopefrom my solicitor.I receive it one morning when I am sitting at the bay window overlooking the sea. There’s a white sail bobbing on the horizon. I open it, expecting a bill. Then I take in the contents, disbelievingly. After that, I do as instructed and read the accompanying letter inside the envelope. It’s a photocopy. The handwriting is neat. Regular. Precise.
To whoever finds this. Please pass the contents to Vicki Goudman. It is self-explanatory.
Vicki,
You might have seen me at your trial. You probably thought I was there to give you support. I know you are short on family, like me. We used to talk about that, remember? But you had an advantage. You had this strong personality and a certain look about you that made men turn their heads. You just didn’t realize it. I admit I was jealous.
