Page 121 of The Stranger in Room Six
‘I didn’t know you and she were speaking.’
‘I had to find out how you were. You wouldn’t respond to my letters, so I got one of my people to find her.’
‘I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,’ I say. ‘I don’t want you to see me like this.’
‘You look as beautiful as ever,’ he says.
I take him in. His handsome face. His aquiline nose. ‘Where’s your wife?’
‘We divorced by mutual agreement, as I told you.’
‘Divorced?’
‘You didn’t read all of my letters, did you?’
‘It would have hurt too much,’ I blurt out. ‘Besides, it’s too late.’
‘You and I still have time,’ he says urgently.
‘No,’ I say. ‘We don’t. Time has changed me.Doingtime has changed me.’
‘Please don’t say that, Belinda. Take a while to think about it, if you need to, but don’t rule me out.’ He presses a card into my hand. ‘Here are my details if you want to get in touch.’
‘I won’t,’ I say, sounding firmer than I feel inside.
Another car pulls up, it’s my taxi. Before I can change my mind, I get in and give the cabbie the address of the hostel my probation officer has arranged for me. As we drive away, I can’t resist turning back to look at the only man I’ve ever loved. But we’ve turned the corner and he’s out of sight.
Now
Mabel gasps. ‘Why didn’t you take him up on his offer?’
‘Because too much had happened. I couldn’t make Imran happy. Not after murdering Gerald.’
Mabel shakes her head. ‘I spent years looking for Antonio,’ she whispers. ‘I would have fought for his love if we’d found each other, even if he hadn’t liked the person I’d become.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Never mind,’ she says briskly. ‘Now tell me about Karen. I’ve waited long enough.’
83
I’ve never been in a hostel before. But at least it’s not a cell. I share a room with a junkie who spent five years in prison and is now ‘using’ again. ‘Don’t tell anyone,’ she hisses as she lights another pipe.
There’s a communal bathroom, carpeted with used tampons and dirty towels.
The kitchen is crawling with cockroaches and there’s grease everywhere. But I have freedom. I can go out. I can walk around. I can breathe in fresh air.
Best of all, I can see Elspeth. It doesn’t matter that my probation officer comes too, as a condition of my release on licence.
I can hold my daughter’s hand. Hug her. Tell her how much I love her. Tell her how sorry I am. ‘Please don’t, Mum,’ she says. ‘I can’t talk about it any more.’
We sit in silence for a bit. ‘How is Gillian?’ I ask. The answer is still the same. My eldest daughter doesn’t want to see me. There are some crimes that cannot be forgiven. Murdering her father is one of them.
‘May I see pictures of my grandson?’ I ask her. I glance at her phone. ‘You must have some.’
She looks embarrassed. ‘Gillian says she doesn’t want you to.’
‘Tell me what he’s called, at least.’
