Page 140 of The Stranger in Room Six
‘Is losing your temper an excuse for murder?’ asks Stephen coldly.
It’s a question that doesn’t need answering.
There’s a long silence before Stephen continues. ‘For what it’s worth,’ he says, ‘I don’t think it was right that Mum and I got the house. He should have looked after you as well – and my father should have told you the truth.’
‘Thank you,’ I say, quietly.
‘I just wish I knew more of him,’ Stephen says, a regretful note in his voice. ‘I have a vague memory of a man picking me up in his arms. That’s all, though I do have photographs.’
He reaches inside his coat and pulls out a packet of prints. And there it is. Indisputable evidence. Here’s Gerald with a little boy on his knee; Gerald holding hands with Karen in another shot. And here’s Gerald by a beach with both Karen and the same little boy.
‘I never thought Gerald was the kind who would have a mistress,’ I whisper.
‘My mother wasn’t a mistress.’ His voice is firm. ‘She loved him. He loved her. Look.’
He hands me a letter. Gerald’s precise handwriting shouts out at me.
My dear son,
I felt moved to write to you in case, one day, I am not able to explain the situation of your birth myself. I was – still am – married to another woman. However, I fell in love and you are the wonderful result. You may think I am weak but I cannot, at present, summon up the courage to leave my family until my girls have become adults in their own right. But I wish you to know how much I love you and your mother.
You may wonder what I mean by not being able to explain all this. The truth is that I have a serious heart condition, which has only just been diagnosed. The outlook does not look good.
Why hadn’t Gerald told me that? Then I think of the way his forehead would sweat when he did the crossword. How he could never walk far without getting out of breath. If I’d been a more caring wife, would I have picked up on the signs?
‘He was returning from seeing the consultant that morning,’ says Stephen. ‘My mother had gone with him.’
His words come back to me. ‘Sorry, dear, I’ve got a meeting to go to.’
In fact, it had been a hospital appointment and he’d taken her for support – not me.
That hurts. So too does the realization that he might have died anyway, even if I hadn’t pushed him.
‘I shouldn’t have done it,’ I whisper. ‘Nor should he.’
‘My mother wasn’t blameless either,’ he says quietly.
We say nothing for a moment or so. Then he takes me by surprise. ‘I’d like to meet your daughters – they’re my half-sisters, after all. I think Dad would have liked that.’
‘No,’ I say fiercely. ‘That’s too much.’
His eyes turn wistful. ‘I always wanted a proper family. It was hard growing up without a resident dad. Hard for Mum too to be a single mother.’
‘Not as hard as it was for us,’ I shoot back. ‘My girls had a mother in prison. And now I’ll have to go back behind bars.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you will tell the home about my past. They’ll find out I lied on my forms. I’ll be taken before the court and –’
‘I’m not going to do that,’ he says.
‘Why not?’
‘I think we’ve all suffered enough, don’t you? I just want to know one thing. Are you safe to look after my mother?’
It dawns on me that my resentment is beginning to subsidenow I’ve heard the full story from her son. Besides, I am no killer. Not an intentional one, anyway.
My time in the prison has also taught me to forgive. I’ve seen what rancour can do if you don’t. I’ve also seen a different side to the Karen I thought I hated. She’s no longer my husband’s lover who broke up our family. She’s a woman whose mind is going and who needs looking after.
