Page 40 of The Stranger in Room Six
Three? My husband had a child three years ago and managed to keep it secret?
Then I recall the many ‘conferences’ Gerald had gone to over the years. Had they been excuses for seeing her overnight; for being there when their son was born? Had he sat by her side in the delivery room, urging her on as he’d done when I’d had the girls? ‘You’re doing so well, Belinda. Keep going!’ Had he stayed on afterwards to help her in those early days?
‘He kept telling Karen that he loved her,’ adds my visitor, ‘but wanted to wait until your girls had grown up before he left.’
I can barely speak. ‘I didn’t suspect any of this.’
‘I guessed that, from your voice on the phone. Karen and I always assumed that you knew but were turning a blind eye. I wish now that I’d never rung.’
So do I. Gerald wouldn’t have died. We could have limped on as a not-very-happy-but-not-very-unhappy couple. I feel my hands clench into fists under the table between us.
‘What’s her surname and where is she now?’ I growl.
‘It’s Greaves,’ she says shakily ‘but I have no idea where she is. After I heard Gerald died, I called her mobile but it rang unobtainable and I was really worried. So I went round, only to find that she’d moved out, still owing rent. I was hurt, to be honest. I’d have thought she’d have told meif she was going somewhere, especially after all the support I’d given her. I even let the three of them stay in my house one weekend so they could have some time together. You and the children were in the Scilly Isles.’
I feel sick to my stomach. Gerald had left us there unexpectedly, saying he needed to get back to work early. Then anger takes over.
‘Just wait until I find her,’ I hiss.
Even I am shocked by the threat in my voice, but to her credit Penny sounds almost sympathetic, as well she might, given her part in all this. ‘I know, I understand that.’
She glances, clearly scared, at the angry faces, the crying faces, the tension, small children yelling. ‘But you’re in prison. How are you going to find her, and what would you even do if you did?’
There’s no way I’m going to share my dark thoughts with this woman. In truth, I haven’t decided what I would do. I’m still trying to understand the man with whom I’d shared nearly twenty-five years of married life.
How could Gerald have had an affair, knowing it might break up our family? He wouldn’t have made the first move, I know that. It must have been her. She probably saw a well-off man and imagined a life where she didn’t have to work any more.
I’d never understood before why some wives – including my mother – silently put up with their husbands’ affairs without saying anything. But now I’ve seen the damage it can do, I’m beginning to get it.
‘If you hadn’t interfered, I might not have known about them,’ I blurt out.
‘But wouldn’t youratherknow?’
‘No,’ I snap. ‘Then my husband would still be alive! You need to go, now. Get out of here or I’ll have to get a guard to make you leave.’
26
‘What’s up with you?’ asks a guard when she watches me folding the sheets the next day, deep in thought about Penny’s question. HowamI going to find her?
‘If you don’t get a move on,’ continues the guard, ‘I’ll give you a strike. Think you’re too posh to be working, do you?’
Someone titters. ‘Look at Lady Belinda with all her airs and graces.’
‘Don’t take any notice of them,’ says a woman with a ring in her nose. ‘They’re just jealous. My name’s Jac, by the way, short for Jacqueline.’
She might not be the kind of woman I’d have socialized with before prison. But right now, it’s nice to hear some comforting words.
At lunch, Jac waves me over. She’s saved a space beside her. I take it gratefully. When I ask the woman opposite to pass the salt, and I’m ignored, my new friend reaches over and passes it to me. ‘Thank you,’ I say to her.
‘Thank you,’ mimics someone else.
‘That’s enough,’ snaps Jac. ‘Give the woman a chance, will you?’
They listen to my new friend. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper.
‘Never thank anyone,’ she replies. ‘Makes you look weak.’
The next day, someone pushes me out of the queue for the bathroom. Jac, who is coming back in the opposite direction, sees it. ‘Fuck off,’ she growls. ‘Or I’ll report you.’
