Page 68 of The Stranger in Room Six
‘Are you allowed to see Alice?’
‘I’ve asked my husband to bring her in. He says he’s thinking about it.’
‘That can’t be easy,’ I say.
She begins to cry harder now.
‘I have two grown-up girls,’ I say. The chaplain gives a loud cough, indicating disapproval. I ignore him. ‘One won’t visit me.’
‘How do you cope?’ she asks.
‘I tell myself that one day, she might change her mind. In the meantime, I try to take each day as it comes. Concentrate on a daily job. Keep communication going. Why don’t you send Alice some pictures or maybe do Storybook Mums with the education department?’
‘What’s that?’
‘It’s when the staff help you write a story with your child’s name in it and then they record you reading it aloud and send it to your children. You could ask to see the counsellor too. In fact, it seems to me that you should’ve had some help earlier on. Perhaps you could ask for that.’
‘That’s a good idea.’
‘Has this helped a bit?’ I can’t help asking.
‘I think so,’ she says. ‘Thank you.’
When she leaves, I know what the chaplain is going to say. ‘You deviated from the script, Belinda. And you gave too many personal details.’
‘So, I’m no good as a Listener.’
‘On the contrary. I think you helped a great deal, even if it was in an unorthodox manner.’
‘Would you want me to continue then?’
‘I do. However, you need to listen tomemore, Belinda. I know I put you on the spot by bringing you in before you were ready, but you can’t share yourself like you did just then. Apart from anything else, it makes you vulnerable. The person you’re trying to help might tell people things that you don’t want revealed.’
A cold shiver runs through me. ‘I understand.’
In the following weeks, when I’m asked to listen to others – including Alice’s mother – I keep thinking someone is going to tap me on the shoulder, tell me that they know what I’ve done.
After all, who would want advice from a murderer?
Then the chaplain is taken ill and I find myself Listening alone. I’m sure it’s against the rules but no one stops me.
And that’s when I make my mistake.
43
Now
Mabel looks at Belinda, her hand on her heart as if feeling her own pulse.
‘How did you cope when you thought one of your daughters might have died?’
‘I just had to.’
The old lady’s eyes fill with tears. ‘That must have been so hard. I cannot imagine anything worse.’ Then she blows her nose hard. ‘A Listener in prison! I didn’t know there was such a thing. I can see why you’re so good at listening to me and the other residents – I’ve seen you. But what kind of mistake did you make?’
‘I’ll tell you next time,’ says Belinda firmly. ‘It’s your turn now. I need to know if the Colonel was really hanged.’
As if on cue, the bell sounds for tea. ‘It will have to wait until tomorrow,’ says Mabel. She sounds nervous. As if there is something she doesn’t want to tell.
