Page 95 of The Stranger in Room Six
Mabel is shaking her head. ‘You silly girl, Belinda. He might have rescued you.’
‘How? He couldn’t have got me out of prison.’
‘But he would have been a comfort to you.’
I gulp. ‘I often think about ringing him. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved. But there’s no future, is there? I’ve messed it all up, Mabel.’ Tears are streaming down my face. ‘I’ve lost so much. My eldest daughter. My husband. Our home. Now look at me!’
‘Belinda,’ says Mabel sternly. ‘Look at yourself, at the way you help others. You carers are angels – well, some of you. Besides, I thought you loved your job. That’s something, isn’t it?’
‘I do,’ I say. ‘But I’m a graduate and I’ve never even used my degree. What a waste! Anyone could do what I do here.’
‘How can you say that? There’s nothing more important than caring for another human being. It requires particular skills that not everyone possesses. You’re a good, kind woman, Belinda. Give yourself credit for that.’
How wrong she is. I may be out of prison but the old, dark Belinda still sits on my shoulders. Why else would I be deceiving this kind old lady?
‘Have a cup of tea to make yourself better,’ she urges. ‘Take a biscuit too. That’s right. Now please. Tell me. What happened next?’
65
The governor calls me in to say that the police have agreed to ‘regularly patrol’ past Derek’s house. So I’m not surprised when he books another appointment to visit me.
‘What have you done now?’ he asks. His sympathy from the previous visit has clearly vanished. ‘I’ve been told we must have protection but no one will tell me why.’
‘I can’t say,’ I whisper, looking around in case someone is listening.
I could tell him the truth, but that would be too risky for everyone’s safety. I can already imagine that the increased police activity outside Derek’s six-bedroom house, built by an award-winning architect, is attracting much gossip amongst his golf-loving neighbours.
‘It’s not just that people are talking,’ he says, confirming my thoughts. ‘It’s upsetting the girls. They’re scared and embarrassed.’
All this is one more black mark against me, although it barely counts compared with the murder of their father.
‘Meanwhile,’ he adds grimly, ‘we are trying to give them as stable a family base as possible.’
I want to cry at the implication (true) that I can’t do the same.
‘Gillian is thinking of staying on after her third year and doing an MBA.’
Really? If I’d been at home, I would have discussed it with her.
‘Elspeth’s in her first year at Oxford,’ he continues.
‘I already know that,’ I say. ‘We’ve remained in close touch.’
His face clearly disapproves. ‘Have you indeed? Yet she didn’t tell you about her sister. Maybe Gillian didn’t want her to.’
I wince.
Derek looks round the visiting room. ‘This is no place for Elspeth to visit.’
I can’t disagree.
‘Would you say they’re managing emotionally?’ I ask, trembling.
‘They seem quite determined to do so.’
For a second, I sense a shared relief between us. The type you would get in a caring family. One that works together.
Then my brother in-law’s eyes harden again. ‘But this latest drama has set everything back, on top of losing their father.’
