Page 107 of Dark Roads
Beth had the feeling that she had messed up. Hailey had been trying to tell her something, and she’d let her down. She hadn’t understood. She’d wanted this goodbye to go well. Hailey had saved Beth’s life, and she was her last connection to Amber. She didn’t want to break it.
Beth took a couple of steps closer to Hailey, reached for her hand, and lifted it toward her. She dropped Amber’s bracelet into her palm. Hailey stared at the gold chain.
“What’s this?”
“She would want you to have it. You found her. You took care of her.” Hailey looked up at her suspiciously. Beth laughed. “Jesus, I’m not proposing.”
“Good, because you’re not my type.”
“I’meveryone’stype.” Beth earned a smirk that time and thought Hailey might keep sparring, but she folded her hand around the bracelet.
“Does this make us sisters?”
“Something like that.”
Hailey smiled. “I’ll get Jonny for you.” She turned around and walked over to the bikes, where Jonny handed her a helmet. He glanced at Beth and said something to Hailey. Beth shoved her hands into her pockets.
Jonny strode toward her, his motorbike boots giving him that familiar swagger. He stopped in front of her, his eyes locked with hers.
“Guess you don’t have time to go for a ride.”
She couldn’t tell if he was serious or if it was some sort of icebreaker. “My parents are waiting at the motel. My mom is probably on her tenth cup of coffee.”
“Gotcha.” He was quiet for a moment, his gaze aimed over her shoulder toward her car, and she didn’t know if she should say goodbye, but then he let out his breath and looked at her. “I’m sorry for being an asshole. A lot of stuff was coming at me. I didn’t deal with it well.”
“Me neither.” She studied her hands, like she was holding the key to making the next words easier. All she saw were chipped fingernails. “I have to see a doctor. I’m hooked on pills. Maybe I need rehab. I don’t know. Something.”
He didn’t seem surprised, and she realized he already knew about the pills and the drinking, but she didn’t feel ashamed. She wasn’t perfect. She didn’t want to be perfect anymore.
“After that?”
“I don’t know.” She glanced over at Hailey, who was astride her bike, one leg braced on the ground, the other on the foot pedal. “Everything’s still screwed up, but I’m trying.”
“Trying is good. Can I call you sometime?”
She jerked her head back toward him. He wanted to talk? Did she want that? She’d gotten used to thinking they were a one-way street that had ended in a wall. Now he was looking at her with a guarded expression like he knew she might shoot him down, but he was ready for it.
“What if I ask you to visit me?”
“I’ve got a truck.” He stepped closer and leaned in until his cheek was next to hers—a smooth slide of skin—then brushed his lips against her ear. “When in doubt, throttle it out.”
She was hit with the memory of when he took her riding on his dirt bike, her arms tight around him, how wild and free she’d felt when he took those sharp corners. Faster and faster.
“You bet, farm boy.”
Jonny smiled as he backed away, the whisper of his breath still traveling from her ear to her neck. He slipped his helmet over his head, only his eyes visible, and walked to the bikes.
Beth got back into her car, sank into the seat, and rolled down her window to let the hot air out, but she didn’t want to leave just yet. They had started their dirt bikes, the motors roaring, blue exhaust filling the air. Hailey led the way, Jonny followed, and Wolf loped behind.
They were at the edge of the forest. They would disappear out of sight soon. Beth held her breath. Hailey’s bike merged into the shadows, leaving a haze of dust from the trail.
At the last second, Jonny looked back at Beth, then he rode after Hailey into the woods.
Beth’s tires crunched on the soft gravel shoulder. The car vibrated as she slid the gearshift into park. She sat for a moment and stared out the windshield at the ditch, the green shrubs, tree boughs that touched the ground, long, yellowed grass. Theengine ticked as it cooled down, the air conditioner hissing. She wanted a Xanax, but she had handed them all over to her mother.
She closed her eyes. Long breath. Short breath.
The door hinges squeaked loudly in the still summer air, her palm nearly burning on the metal frame. She clutched it, steadying herself, then took a few clumsy steps down the side of the road. She focused on the sound of her flip-flops and the hum of a fly near her ear. The grass was so thick and long that she didn’t see the white cross on the other side until she was standing in front of it. If Hailey hadn’t noticed the ravens that day, Amber might never have been found.
