Page 124 of Fix Them Up
I would blame myself.
Willa whistled, shook her head, and thanked Elias as he placed two full champagne flutes in front of us. Mine was still half-full. ‘The man is in love with you. You made a dramatic, romantic pact. And apart from the whole no-contact thing, he is sickeningly good at communication. You think he’s going to forget about you in two months?’
‘I don’t know.’ I held my hands. ‘No one has ever been in love with me. I don’t know how quickly someone can move on.’
Willa swivelled the barstool and clasped my head in her hands.
‘I don’t do soppy. So I will say this once, and I want you to hear it. I love you,’ Willa said. ‘And it would take me longer than two months to get over you, I promise.’
My chest warmed. ‘It is so freaky when you’re soppy.’
Willa grinned and let my head go. ‘I know. You need to go back, Kat. Don’t chicken out.’ After a while, I turned. Her cool blue eyes were watching me. ‘You’re miserable. I can see it. Anyone can.’
‘I miss him so much.’ I groaned. ‘But I don’t even know what the plan is supposed to be. Do I rock up on the day and say hello? We never planned how this is supposed to happen, and now I’m spiralling.’
‘Kat. Listen to yourself.’ Willa sighed. ‘You’re in a position most people would kill for. You have a man waiting for you. A man who adores you so much that he let you go so you could sort your baggage. Well, my baggage, I guess. I can’t even dream up a man that well-adjusted.’ She gulped her drink. ‘Trust me, before I swore off all male kind, I tried.’
I bit my lip. Willa was right.
‘However, we need to talk about what you’re going to do about your mum.’
I groaned. ‘I don’t know, Wills. We’re barely talking. At first, I tried to talk to her, to convince her. But now, I’ve accepted I need to move without her approval.’
Willa nodded. ‘Good. Let her sweat a bit. The only way she’ll start to respect your word is when you start living by it. If you keep flaking on your plans because she puts you down – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.’
I nodded. I thought about all the plans that had deflated with a word from Mum. ‘Yeah, you’re right.’
‘I’m always right. Go home, tell your mum you’re moving to Everly Heath and don’t let your mum convince you out of it. Did you just get déjà vu?’ Willa pointed to her glossy lips. ‘Oh yeah, that’s ’cos I’ve told you this shit before.’
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The Tube was stuffy, and my throat felt tight as a bloke played the accordion, and I stood next to the armpit of a man with some serious body odour issues. Everything was too loud and hot and smelly. Overstimulated, I changed onto the Elizabeth line to Reading, which smelt moderately better. At the other end, I jumped into a cab, preparing for a lecture from Mum about wasting money.
But this time, I had a response.
I wasn’t a fuck up.
I was a grown-ass woman. I was capable and creative.
I was more than her low expectations of me. I was capable and creative. I repeated the words like they were my morning affirmations. I might even paint it on my mirror in red lipstick.
I tipped the cab driver, pushed open the creaking gate and walked up the weeded path to Mum and Graham’s Victorian terrace. Next door, our neighbours, Will and Patrick, were watching reruns ofGogglebox. I’d spoken to them twice in my entire life and not given it a second thought. After two months in Everly Heath, that was bizarre to me.
I tiptoed into the house, placed my keys in the bowl and tried to kick off my shoes without making any noise. Mum and Graham would be in bed by nine, and it was ten thirty. I’d been at the bar later than I’d planned with Willa, and while I wasn’t drunk,I was definitely tipsy. Willa and I had planned what I would say to Mum tomorrow. I was leaving in two weeks.
Willa kept repeating the same point – they were welcome to visit, but I wouldn’t accept any negativity at all. By the end of the first bottle of champagne, Willa role-played Mum. She aced the flat look Mum gave me when she was disappointed. As Willa wagged her finger, and we both burst into laughter, Elias watched on and shook his head as he wiped down the bar. Elias usually let us stay later when leftover handbags and empty pint glasses littered the tables.
‘In here, Katherine,’ Mum said, and I froze like a teenager caught climbing through the window after dark.
I corrected myself, repeating my affirmations. I held my head high as I walked past the front room, which had become colder and dustier since I left. I strode into the little galley kitchen at the back of the house, trying to emulate how Willa walked around the office in her pencil skirt.
‘Hello,’ I said, opening my mouth to apologise for my late arrival, but I snapped my mouth shut.
Graham and Mum sat at the wooden kitchen table we used for breakfasts and lunches. The orangey wooden kitchen cabinets were cosy, making the room feel smaller. Graham was a full head taller than Mum, even seated. Their hands were cupped around steaming mugs of tea on the faded polka-dot tablecloth.
We’d had it since I was twelve.
Before I’d left, I thought Mum and Graham’s house was charming and eclectic. Now, everything was thrown into a new light. It was a mausoleum. I wanted to throw open the windows and let some breeze in. I wanted to donate all the crap they held onto. Stupid trinkets Mum was curating, all items holding her back from doing what she wanted to do – travelling the world.
