Page 20 of Fix Them Up
I shrugged. ‘What? It was funny.’
‘Right, let’s move on to member proposals. A reminder that if you want to make a proposal, you should submit it a week before the meeting, but we’re not as strict as we used to be, so if it’s late, we’ll do our best to include it,’ Pat said, causing some grumbles to break out amidst the grey and balding of the meeting.
‘Peter,’ Pat barked, ‘as you’re like adogwith a bone about these proposals, why don’t you come up here and have your say?’
A man dressed in browns and greens stood bolt upright from his seat and approached the stage. His flat cap hid his face untilhe turned around. I never liked to judge someone by their looks, but with Peter, it was inevitable. He resembled Ebenezer Scrooge, with a surly expression and a face lined by frowns and scowls. He stood by the side of the stage, bickering with Pat about something or other, and nattering broke out across the crowd.
‘He doesn’t look happy.’
Liam huffed. Did that count as a laugh?
Lydia chirped up, ‘Peter is bitter because he used to be chairman, but Mum, Pat and some of the other ladies managed to swindle him.’
‘How?’
Lydia grinned. ‘They managed to sneak a vote past the committee, which meant a public vote for the chairman. Before, it had been decided by a select few deemed “proper members”. It was very cliquey. An old man’s club. Women weren’t allowed in until 2010, let alone be on the committee.’
Liam grunted. ‘And I bet they wish they’d kept it that way when Pat won by a landslide.’
‘Have you got something against women?’ I levelled at him.
‘No, I haven’t got anything against women, Red.’
‘Liam is grumpy because now everything is a lot –’
‘Louder.’
Lydia leaned forward and whisper-shouted at him, ‘And that’s because women like to communicate, unlike you, you caveman.’ She glanced at me. ‘Mum oversees the subcommittees.’
‘There are subcommittees?’ I asked, incredulous. I had no idea so much… administration went into running a social club.
Liam piped up again. ‘They’ve got subcommittees about the subcommittees.’
Liam was chattier when he had something to complain about.
‘There is a grounds committee to keep the beer garden nice and tidy, a wine and beer committee, and a membership committee.Those are the boring ones. Pat and Mum gave those to the old guard to keep them happy. Then, there is the Christmas committee. I head up that one,’ Lydia said proudly.
‘Lydia the Elf.’ Liam shoved another three Wine Gums into his mouth.
I turned to him. ‘Are you overseeing the snacks? I hope not, or there wouldn’t be any left.’ Liam followed my eyeline to the half-finished packet of Wine Gums, his expression souring.
‘I haven’t eaten all day.’
‘Nutritious. You’re a regular Joe Wicks.’
My traitorous brain couldn’t help but flicker down his large hands clasped around the bag of sweets. Liam tracked the motion, and I could see the penny drop. Liam’s lips curved, but my head whipped to the front to stare at Peter stepping onto the stage.
Peter cleared his throat and tapped the mic, making a screeching noise erupt over the speakers.
‘Is this working?’ His voice was sooty, like he smoked fifty a day. ‘I propose that dogs be banned from the social club. It is no place for smelly, snorting creatures who piss on the carpets. All those who agree, raise their hands.’
About a third of the room raised their hands.
Lydia hummed. ‘That’s more than last time.’
‘He’s proposed this before?’
Lydia rolled her eyes. ‘He does it every meeting. And he gets closer every time. He does it to spite Pat because she brings in Noodle. But he’s good as gold.’
