Page 62 of Fix Them Up
‘Don’t change the subject.’
I paused until I reluctantly admitted, ‘We kissed.’
‘Iknewthis would happen. Some random guy isn’t helping you out of the kindness of his heart. He must want to get into your pants.’
‘He didn’t kiss me. I kissed him. Actually, I kind of launched myself at him. I’d had a drink… or five… and behaved like such a dick, and now I’ve made everything awkward, and I want to die,’ I rushed out, resuming my pacing. ‘Not only did I kiss him, but before that, I shouted for him to pull over by the church so I could find Dad’s grave.’
‘Morbid much?’
‘I know.’ I panted. ‘God, I’m such a fucking freak.’
‘Okay, okay. Take some deep breaths.’ I could hear Willa locking her door as she left her flat.
‘Are you busy? I can call later,’ I said, panicking that I was being too much.
‘Don’t be silly, I’ve got time—’
‘If you need to go to your appointment—’
‘Kat.’ Willa’s tone stopped my spiralling. ‘I appreciate you considering me, but I’m fine, and right now, you’re not. So take some breaths and tell me exactly what happened.’
I did exactly that, recounting the ice pack, the lean, and thekiss. I explained the graveyard antics and how he told me about his mum. I detailed how Liam kissed me back but then pulled away quickly – then finished off the story by sharing the screenshots of the texts Liam sent.
‘Okay.’ Willa took a deep breath, and I could hear the distant sounds of cars beeping and buses going by and I was hit with homesickness. I wished I was in London, as far away from this house, this town, and Liam.
My fight or flight was kicking in, but it was going with flight this time.
Willa continued, ‘Look, it sounds like the kiss was mutual, but Liam freaked out. Shit of him, but it could be about anything. You’re catastrophising. He asked to talk, so hear him out. He might like you too.’
He might like me too.
I huffed, keeping my voice even. ‘I didn’t say I liked him. Just because I tried to kiss him doesn’t mean I like him. It means he’s not bad to look at.’
‘Kat.’ Willa’s tone was bone dry. ‘Be honest with me.’
I thought about the past week with Liam. The weird buzzing feeling I got when I watched him walk across the garden with a foil-covered plate. The string in my chest that pulled taut when he was in the room. The high when I got a rise out of him. I was getting addicted to getting a reaction out of that usually stoic, calm expression. I thought about Liam’s solid, warm presence beside me in a dark graveyard.
I think you have to feel it all.
‘Maybe.’
‘Katherine,’ Willa chided.
‘Okay, yes,’ I said quickly, panicking, ‘but it’s not like he likes me. He was totally repulsed by that kiss, trust me.’
‘Oh my god’ – exasperation poured down the phone – ‘howold are we, Kat? Speak to him! Be honest! You like him. You never randomly kiss blokes you’ve known less than a week. Unless you count your spree at uni—’
‘Do not slut shame me. I told you I was going through my experimental phase.’
‘Exactly, it was a phase, and since then, you haven’t exactly put yourself out there, and god help anyone who asks you to be in a serious relationship.’
‘I’m not scared of commitment. I haven’t found anyone worth committing to.’
‘Sure, Jan.’
‘Okay, you’re right, okay?’ I rubbed my temples. I didn’t need straight-talking Willa at this time in the morning. ‘But it doesn’t change anything. It would have to be like all of my other relationships – casual. His life is here, and mine is in London. If it was anything more, it would end in tears. So, there isn’t anything to discuss, apart from a stupid, drunk move I made on him.’ I groaned again. ‘Willa, it was so bad.’
‘It’s never as bad as you imagine. You let your creativity run wild. Come back down to earth, martian.’
