Page 120 of Fix Them Up
Mum had chipped away at any confidence Liam or Everly Heath had instilled into me. Any faith in myself or my abilities was gone.
On the third day, I was asleep when I felt the covers move, the weight on the mattress and the smell of cedar. It was a moment before he spoke.
‘Red,’ Liam said, his voice hoarse. ‘Talk to me.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Why?’
I shifted, facing him. His brows were wrinkled, but his eyes were open and loving. Like he wanted to make it better. He lifted his hand and rubbed his thumb across my cheek.
‘Ren gets like this. I know the signs. He can’t move for a few days. I used to bring him meals to see some sign of life. It’s probably why I love cooking so much.’ Liam leaned forward and kissed my forehead. ‘Take as long as you need, Red. But come back to me, will you? When the fog is gone.’
My throat made a choking noise. I squeezed my eyes to keep the tears from overflowing.
‘You deserve better than this, Liam. Abi, too,’ I whispered, my voice raw. ‘Someone reliable. Not some headcase who can’t even stand up to her own mum.’
‘Hey, hey.’ He pulled me into his chest. ‘Why don’t I be the steady one for you, huh? You keep things interesting for us. Drag me into your chaos. I can take it, Kat. Talk to me. I’m going mad here. I feel like I had you for a moment, and one visit from your mum and you’re gone.’
‘She was so mean.’ My voice broke. ‘And I know it’s ridiculous. Willa would tell me to forget it. Ignore her. But Mum has ingrained so much of her opinions into me. I don’t know what is my idea or hers. I doubt myself. It’s like I’m paralysed.’ I stifled a sob. ‘I’m such a fuck up, Liam. I’m sorry.’
‘You are not a fuck up,’ Liam said, pulling me tighter into his chest. ‘You’ve never been a fuck up, Kat. She doesn’t understand you. It sounds like she’s never tried to.’
My tears stained his dark blue T-shirt. ‘I don’t know what to do. I want to stay, I do. But it’s like I’ve had the wind knocked out of my sails.’
Liam’s fingers drew back and forth on my back, soothing me again. Always soothing.
‘Let’s take some time then,’ Liam said, and I pulled back.
My heart raced. ‘Are you ending it?’ I wasn’t sure what I would do if it ended like this. Under the covers at midnight. Like the whole relationship was something I’d dreamt up.
‘No, you muppet.’ Liam gave me a sad smile. ‘Let’s take a beat for a bit. I’m opening the restaurant. You need to prove to yourself that this move is something you want. We’ve got a lot on our plates.’
‘You – you want me to go?’
Liam took my head in his hands. ‘I don’t want you to go, ever. But if letting you go now will let me keep you forever, then I’ll do it, Red. Two months to tie up any loose ends, then you come back. I’ll have opened the restaurant, so I’ll have some of my life sorted, too.’
‘You already have your life sorted.’
‘It might look like that, Red, but it’s not true. I’m terrified that it could fail. Terrified of losing you.’
‘I don’t want to go.’
‘Then are you going to stay? Even when you aren’t speaking to your mum. Even when you think Willa needs you? You aren’t that kind of person, Kat. You might be chaotic sometimes, but I know you like your relationships neat and tidy. Go and come back. Make me work for it. Ruin my life, Red,’ Liam teased.
I huffed a laugh at his joke. Even when it felt like my world was caving in, Liam could still make me laugh.
In Liam’s arms, I thought about Willa. Mum made it sound like things were a lot worse than Willa had made out – which was so Willa. She would undersell how bad it was if it meant I could be spared from the stress. I could work for her while she found a replacement. I’d have to move in with Mum and Graham, which made me mentally recoil, but at least I could convince them that this wasn’t a fluke. I was serious about this move. I wasserious about becoming an interior designer. And I was serious about Liam.
I could use the time to enrol on the design course. I could pack my scattered belongings between Willa’s flat and Mum and Graham’s house.
‘I hate that you know me so well.’
‘You love that I know you so well.’
I muttered ‘piss off’ under my breath, making Liam laugh. He drew me closer, against his chest, and I listened to his heartbeat, steady. Always steady. I didn’t have to say it, but I knew we both knew the decision was made. We sat in each other’s arms for a few moments.
‘Two months. We come back together in two months,’ Liam said. ‘But no contact.’
