Page 125 of Fix Them Up
‘Sit down, Kat,’ Graham said, and panic rose in my throat.
‘What’s happened?’ My brain searched for some kind of catastrophic event. Dad was already dead. Oh god, was it cancer?
‘Nothing bad,’ Graham said with one of his soft, reassuring smiles. I never understood how Graham and Mum worked together. She was so prickly and unrelenting, and he was so soft and pliant. Maybe that’s why they worked.
I pulled back the chair, suddenly conscious of my alcohol breath and how the room was slightly spinning.
‘We want to talk to you about Everly Heath,’ Graham said, and surprisingly, Mum didn’t bristle like she usually did at the mention of the town.
I sat up straight. ‘You aren’t persuading me to stay here. I told you from the beginning that I was going back. I needed this time to make sure everything was sorted with Willa.’
And with you, I wanted to say.
I wanted to shout that Liam and I agreed that I hadn’t returned here with my tail between my legs. I wasn’t going to have my mind changed.
I hadn’t stopped thinking about Liam for weeks. Each morning was a brutal reminder when I rolled over, searching for him. The dreams were the worst – they taunted me with moments of Liam in the kitchen, kissing me. A blend of memories. I missed waking up next to him, his scent around me, the weight of his arm across me. I missed the tree-lined walk to the club and, most worryingly, Ray, the jazz singer and his polyester waistcoat. I missed laughing with Lydia and Sandra at the club. I even missed the light sheen of rain on my face on the walk home.
‘We know, Kat,’ Graham said, glancing at Mum. ‘And we’ve had some… discussions about your move. Mum and I didn’t agree at first.’ Graham reached over to pat Mum’s hand, and Mum’s head nodded an inch. ‘I think it would be good for you to have a fresh start somewhere new. And this chap of yours –’ Graham paused.
‘Liam.’
‘Yes, Liam. Well, you mention him so often, so I suppose you are rather attached to the chap.’
My lips twitched. ‘I am.’
I’d been trying to recreate some of Liam’s recipes at home for Mum and Graham. I never got them right, but each one got better, and I loved mentioning his name at the dinner table. I revelled in the way Mum’s eye twitched. I didn’t give a fuck what she thought anymore. Just mentioning Liam’s cooking and Lily’s made me feel like I hadn’t dreamt him up. He was real. And I’d be back soon.
It made my heart ache but in that lovely, painful way.
‘I’m not going to ask for your permission,’ I said, and Mum’s eyes flickered to mine. ‘I’m a grown adult.’
‘No, we know,’ Graham said, ever the diplomat.
‘You hurt me, Mum.’ The champagne had loosened my tongue. ‘You lied to me. You pushed Dad away. You let me believe he didn’t love me.’ My voice broke, and I saw regret etched on Mum’s face for the first time. ‘I’ve grown up terrified of letting you down, like I did at school. So I’ve done everything you said just to get a glimmer of approval from you. You picked my university. You suggested I work for Willa. I stopped seeing anyone you didn’t approve of. I wrote relationships off completely because I knew there was no point. I couldn’t make you happy.’
Mum opened her mouth, but I held up a hand.
‘Let me finish. You owe me that.’
She gave a small nod.
‘I’ve been stagnant. I was bored out of my head. And okay, maybe that is a bit to do with my ADHD, but so what? It took Willa pushing me to do anything about it. I’ve found where I want to be. I know it’s a risk. But I can’t live like life isn’t about taking a little risk. It isn’t living, Mum.’ My eyes flickered toGraham, his bespectacled face uncharacteristically intense. ‘You should both live yours.’
‘Kat,’ Mum said, and I tried not to react at the use of my nickname. ‘I realise I’ve made a lot of mistakes. If you can believe me, whatever I did was out of love. It was because I thought it was best –’
I opened my mouth, but Mum stopped me. ‘I was wrong. I’m realising that now.’ She glanced at Graham. ‘Graham made me see how blind I’ve been. I’m sorry.’ She inhaled. ‘I can’t say I’m happy about you moving to Everly Heath. I don’t understand it. But I don’t have to. I need to accept it’s what you want.’
My mind reeled. Not in any universe did I expect Paula Evans to admit she was wrong.
‘Well –’ I paused, unsure what to say. ‘Thank you.’
‘So, we figured you’d want to see this.’ Graham slid over a white envelope. ‘We haven’t opened it.’
I spotted the familiar sprawl, and my hands darted across the table to snatch it. It was Liam’s handwriting. I was used to seeing it on my walls where he’d made measurements or on notes he left on the island when he left early for work and left me in bed. I ripped open the envelope and let out a little noise. Something between a whine and a sigh.
‘What is it?’ Graham asked, frowning.
‘Nothing,’ I said, my eyes burning as I scanned the invite, my brain lagging behind. Next weekend. Friends and family. Then, a little handwritten note in the corner.You pinkie promised.
