Page 165 of All This Time
The door swings open and George pops his head in. “Crying is a good thing, guys. Let it out.”
Rhonan huffs out a laugh. “You’re fucking listening to us?”
“Damn right, I am. I don’t want you four to suffer for the rest of your lives. You have a chance here to move in the right direction, change the course of your futures, and giving each other shit for crying isn’t going to help that. If you need to cry, fucking cry.” He tosses his thumb over his shoulder. “Anthony has a great shoulder for crying on if you need a spare.”
“Jesus Christ, Dad,” Rhonan says, chuckling as George shuts the door again. “What the fuck is going on here?”
“I think your dad is trying to tell us that feeling shit isn’t a bad thing, and I think all of us have been avoiding feelings for a long fucking time,” I say, knowing it’s how I’m interpreting this conversation.
Elliot scoffs. “Speak for yourself.”
Henley looks over at him. “Look, I’m really fucking sorry that Tori walked out on you, but George is right.” Looking at me and Rhonan, he says, “You’re going to get through this, and we are here for you with whatever you need, but we’re not just saying that this time.” He looks around the table. “Saying it and doing it are two different things, and I think it’s time our actions back up our words, guys.”
Elliot mutters, “Yeah? Well, what I need is a goddamn drink.”
“Because alcohol makes everything better,” I reply sarcastically. “Need I remind you of my alcoholic father who used booze to cope, Elliot?”
His bloodshot eyes bore into mine. “I’m not your fucking dad, Fletch. But if I want to numb myself right now, let me.”
Rhonan covers Elliots hand with his own. “Right now, you do what you need to. But just know, this pain won’t last forever.” He clears his throat. “Losing Sarah was the worst thing I’ve ever felt, but maybe my dad is right. I’ve never truly dealt with it. I was too busy trying to take care of my daughter to really understand how much it fucked me up.”
Henley nods. “I can’t deny that hearing your dad and his friends talk about shit is making me think.”
“I booked an appointment with a therapist yesterday,” I say, pulling the attention of all three of my friends.
“You did?”
“Yeah. I’m fucking tired of letting my relationship with my father affect me as much as it has. Part of the reason I never come home isbecause of him, but Laney deserves better than that. She deserves a man that isn’t afraid to face his past.”
Henley nods. “Well, that makes a fuck ton more sense now.”
Rhonan stands from his chair and walks over to me. I stand to meet him, pulling him in for an embrace. “I’m fucking sorry, man. I’m sorry for not thinking better of you, for not asking questions when I should have.”
“Thank you.”
“Just promise me that you’ll take care of Laney, all right? I can’t lose her too,” he mutters in my ear. “I promise.”
We release each other and wipe our eyes. “God, I’m done fucking crying too,” he says through a laugh.
I turn to Elliot. “I’m sorry again about Tori, but she doesn’t deserve you, man.”
Elliot scoffs. “Maybe this was all a good thing, makes me remember why I decided against relationships for the longest fucking time. I just need my parents to back the fuck off about it now too.”
“What did they say?”
Elliot rolls his eyes. “My mom was devastated but has been pressuring me to reach out to her. Like that’s going to fucking happen.”
“Do you think if you did though, that it might help?” I ask.
Elliot glares at me. “I never want to see that woman again.”
Henley slaps him on the shoulder. “Then we will support you with that.”
I look around at my friends. “I fucking love you guys, but if there’s one thing I’ve realized over the past few weeks, it’s that being older has not made us wiser.”
Rhonan huffs out a laugh. “You think?”
“I thought by this age, we would have more shit figured out, but there’s still a lot we need to learn—not just about life,but about each other. I’m sorry that I’ve kept things from you. I’m sorry that I didn’t feel like I could confide in you or be honest about how I felt about Laney. But I think I needed to figure out how I felt about those things myself before I could articulate them.”
