Page 134 of All This Time
This is what love is supposed to feel like, isn’t it? Fear mixed with euphoria, comfort, and longing—like no amount of time with them would ever be enough, but you’re deathly afraid that your time will be cut short anyway?
My mom’s death has made me afraid to truly put myself out there and open my heart because losing her was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and I never wanted to feel that way ever again.
But now I’m realizing that I haven’t truly beenliving. I’ve been staying still, playing it safe, and picking men that don’t have the potential to hurt me, like Spencer.
“I guess I just can’t believe all of this is happening,” I whisper. “I’m so afraid something is going to ruin it again.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, the last time I got the nerve to tell Fletcher how I felt, my mom died, Dilynne.” My throat grows tight. “What if Fletcher and I are cursed? What if something happens when we tell Rhonan, or what if we’re just not meant to be together and we’re tempting fate by trying? I mean, he plays for the NFL, for crying out loud. Being with him means my life will change forever. How in the hell is this supposed to work?”
“Breathe, Laney,” Dilynne says, reaching for my hands and holding them to her chest as reality finally hits me. Something about those wedding gowns triggered me, and now I’m having trouble breathing. “Take some deep breaths.” With my eyes locked on hers, I focus on inhaling and exhaling until I feel like the panic attack that was brewing is starting to subside.
“First of all, you’re not cursed. Your mom’s death was a terrible tragedy, something that no one could have seen coming, which means there’s no way it could have been connected. And second, you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. I know it’s hard for you not to thinkabout the future, but I was just joking about the wedding dresses. Your anxiety is in full force right now, so I need you to try to take a page out of my don’t-give-a-fuck attitude and live in the moment.”
“I’m trying. It’s just hard.”
“I know it is. That night changed you in more ways than one, honey. And I’ve watched you cut yourself off from things that bring you joy, be afraid to live because that might mean that you’re making your life count even though your mom’s life ended early, and avoid relationships because you were convinced that other men would reject you like Fletcher did.”
“Did you earn a degree in psychology that I never knew about?” I ask, only half joking.
“Hell no. But I’ve been through enough shit and watched enough reality television to recognize avoidance issues in other people.”
“This isn’t some TV show though, Dilynne. This is my life.”
“It is, but is he worth sacrificing what you’ve always known?”
I don’t even have to think about it. “Yes,” I say.
“Then you’ve got this. Get through Elliot’s wedding and then get ready to become Mrs. Laney Adams one day like you’ve always wanted.”
“He’s the only man I’ve ever envisioned walking down an aisle toward,” I admit. “I couldn’t even picture myself marrying Spencer.”
“Well, luckily he made the decision to call that whole thing off very easy for you. But if the way Fletcher looks at you is any indication, I don’t think you’ll have that problem with him. I’ve seen a man obsessed, and Fletcher is a prime example.”
“My life will never be the same when the world finds out I’m with Fletcher Adams, the star wide receiver for the Carolina Thunder.”
Dilynne shrugs. “No, it won’t. But you will still be Laney Hart, my best friend and badass businesswoman. And honestly? That’s all that matters.”
***
“So, the aisle will be right here, chairs on either side,” Anabell says as she walks through the courtyard of the winery, showing Elliot and Tori how the ceremony will be set up. “Usually, we would have you facing the other way, but we’re making the adjustments that you requested.”
Tori smiles proudly. “I don’t want our wedding to look like everyone else’s. Besides, this direction will have my good side displayed to our guests.”
Elliot rolls his eyes playfully. “Whatever makes you happy, baby.”
“Let’s go look at the room where the reception will be just to make sure you approve of the plans for the room.” Anabell leads Elliot and Tori into the building on the property where the large ballrooms are located for events.
I move to follow them, but Fletcher reaches out and grabs my wrist before I get too far. “Where are you going?”
“To fulfill my maid of honor duties?”
Shaking his head, he pulls me flush against him, letting me feel how hard he is at my lower back. “We don’t need to know shit about table centerpieces, angel. In fact, there’s something else I want to show you while we’re alone.”
I spin in his arms. “Okay…”
My dad comes out of the main wine tasting room, heading right for us.
