Page 145 of Take This Heart
“No, thank you.” She smiles tentatively and walks slowly toward me. “Thanks for inviting me. Congratulations, Everett. I hope you’re feeling well.”
“Getting better all the time,” he says. “Thank you for coming.”
Kevin sniffs her toes, tail wagging in cautious approval.
“Goldie, I don’t want to take you from the party, but…I wanted to show you something,” she says.
“Oh, okay.”
I feel Milo’s eyes on me and know he’s trying to assess whether I’m okay or not. I smile and give a slight nod and his shoulders relax.
“Do you want to go inside for a few minutes?” I ask.
“That would probably be best. I’d like you to see this.” She pulls out a letter and I recognize my mom’s handwriting.
My breath hitches.
We go inside and sit at the kitchen table. It’s hard to hold back my excitement. I’m greedy for new words of my mother’s. I’ve been dying to read the letters she gave Ava, but I never would’ve asked to. She deserves to have that piece of our mom to herself.
She places the letter in front of me.
“The letters have been amazing. I feel like I’ve gotten an idea of what she was like from her letters.” Her voice cracks. “It’s been healing and painful…and so sad but joyful at the same time?” She lets out a nervous laugh. “It’s been a lot, I guess, but I treasure every word I’ve been given.” She puts her finger on the letter. “She talks about you in this one and I wanted you to read it.”
My eyes are blurry, but I nod.
My hands are shaky as I open the letter.
“I love seeing her handwriting,” I say softly.
“Me too.”
My daughter,
I’ve told you a lot of my dreams for you already, but the one on my mind today is one I’ve been hesitant to bring up. Ihope that you have such a full life that what I’m about to say won’t hurt you. And maybe even if you have a full and happy life, it will still hurt you.
For that, I’m sorry.
I’ve said I have kids, but I haven’t been specific.
I have four sons and another daughter. Their names are Noah, Camden, Tully, Goldie, and Dylan. Tully and Goldie are twins.
I can tell you about all of them sometime, but today I want to talk about Goldie.
She’s eight years younger than you and is a twin, but from the time she could talk, she’s wished she had a sister too. I don’t know why I didn’t tell my kids about you. It was never because I was ashamed of you in any way, but it just hurt too much.
I still hope that one day we can find each other, and that you can get to know your brothers and sister.
I wonder all the time what you’re like. If you’re like me. If Goldie is like you.
She’s brave and stubborn and full of light. She’s my gold thread. I took one look at her and knew it. It’s why we call her Goldie. She loves hard and forgives easily and loves to paint.
I wonder what I would have named you. I thought maybe Iris, but I wanted to see you first to be sure. I wonder if you love to paint too or if you’re into designing houses like me or if you have a whole set of skills that I don’t have. I would love whatever makes youYOU. I already do.
If you meet Goldie, I hope you’ll be good friends. Nothing brings me more joy than seeing my kids love each other.
Yours,
Mom (or Stella)
