Page 20 of The Monster I Loved
Marni was waiting, so I really should hurry. I rushed to the door, and he held it open for me.Oh, you killed my dad and now want to be a gentleman? Give me a break.
“I don’t need you to hold the door open for me.” I regretted the words as soon as I’d spoken them.
A devilish smile lifted one corner of his mouth, and Thaddeus released the door. I didn’t calculate how close I stood to it. The door swung shut, hitting my coffee, and the cup fell to the ground. The lid came free, and the contents of my Americano ran down my lower half, the rest splashing on the ground.
“What the?—”
I didn’t have time to go back for another coffee. The line was too long.
Seething, I ran from the store. I could smell the pumpkin spice that had adhered itself to my pants.
I drove to Marni’s office.
“Sorry I’m late.” I hurled myself onto the couch. My safe place.
Marni was working at her desk. She closed the folder and tapped her nails on the desk. “Traffic?”
Feeling guilty as hell, I didn’t bother lying. Lying to your therapist was never a good idea. “No, but if it makes you feelbetter, I already received a punishment for lying. I just needed my coffee.”
Walking around the desk, Marni took a seat near me. “Other than the spilled coffee on your pants, how are you?”
I winced. “Remember years ago when you offered me drugs? Medication? Well, today I’m here for them. Give me all the drugs. Everything they have.”
Stiffening, Marni waited for me to continue.
“I need them. It feels like I’m going out of my mind.” My voice turned pleading.
“Okay, let’s take a step back for a second. If we need to look into medications, we can, but you’ve been managing just fine without them so far. Tell me what’s happened.”
I told her about the disaster that was last night but left out the dream.Nightmare.She had her receptionist make me a fresh coffee as I ranted.“I couldn’t sleep,” I said. The coffee (minus any pumpkin spice) warmed my already clammy hands.
“Tell me a little more about how you’re feeling,” she said.
I stared at her. “It’s like you said: he’s everywhere. I’m looking for him all the time because I’m, well, notscared,but I’d rather not bump into my father’s killer.” With the mess that’d happened at the cafe, it wouldn’t surprise me if I was being punished for some wrongdoing in a past life, and I was cursed to have Thaddeus haunt me. Okay, that might’ve been going a stretch too far, but how was this man popping up everywhere I turned to for comfort?Because we shared the same friend group for years and literally rolled in the same sheets.Still, he didn’t need to show up in the spaces where I went to get reliefat the exact same time. Could he at least schedule his coffee pickups for the evening or something?
“Tarrytown has never felt so small before. Why should they allow Thaddeus to come back here? I didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s a murderer. He’s messing up my life, again.” My townno longer felt safe. The hangouts I once looked forward to were now like countdowns to the next painful encounter.After what he did, how could Henry want to keep that guy around?
“I understand,” Marni said diplomatically. “Eventually, you might get a little more used to seeing him.”
I folded my arms. “I don’t want to. I wish he would go away.”
“He was away. For ten whole years, and you still spent all your time talking about him.” The words felt like a gut punch. “Can I be honest with you?”
I nodded.
“Good. Well, I wonder if maybe it’s good he’s back. It’s putting you in the position to face your demons. We can talk about coping strategies, etc. I’m not saying you’ll be friends again, but you will either have to learn to exist in the same town, or one of you will have to leave.”
I rubbed my thighs impatiently. “He should leave. Why should I leave?”
“You’re within your rights to feel that way. May I ask you something else? Something that may make you uncomfortable.
“Yes,” I said, when I really wanted to say, ‘No.’
She tilted her head. “What does Thaddeus look like? Can you describe him to me?”
I screwed up my face, unsure where this was going. “He’s in all the newspapers. You can do an internet search?—”
“Answer the question, please. Humor me. It’s been years since you’ve seen him. What does he look like?”
