Page 10 of The Monster I Loved
“Why would you think I had plans to be anywhere near you?”
She really thought a lot of herself. After that one letter I mailed in prison, I’d scolded myself. It was a moment of weakness. What sort of son was I, asking the killer’s daughter for forgiveness?
“If you had any decency, you’d leave town.” She pumped as much venom into the words as she could.
Wait, the woman who helped her father cover up murdering my mom was giving me a lecture on fucking decency. “Decency? Nobody in your family knows a single thing about that.”
The conversation was going nowhere. I turned and left Summer standing there. The woman I thought I would love forever. I’d lowered myself onto one knee and asked for a place in her life. The thought made me want to hurl. I hated her with every cell in my body.
3
SO SICK OF LOVE
Summer
My blood boiled seeing him.Only Thaddeus could go to prison for murder and come out looking like he did. I’d been caught off guard. Over the years, I’d heard too many people describe him ashandsome. In fact, that’s the only word anyone ever used for the man. I shook my head in disgust, knowing I’d been guilty of using the word in the past.Obviously, I need to check my vision.And then there he was. I hated him for that, and for his sense of self-righteousness. He still believed that killing my father had been the right thing to do. As I looked the cold-blooded murderer in his sharp dark eyes, it transported me back to the night he held my dad at gunpoint. A six-foot-two monster, with broad shoulders and a smug expression.
My dad had looked ancient, decrepit, and pitiful compared to Thaddeus. I’d really hoped they would’ve beaten him up in prison and ruined his face or something. Why the hell did it look like he was in there getting facials? I’d had ten years to plan out what I’d say or do when I saw Thaddeus again. Instead, I lost it and threw a fucking tantrum.
Damn it.
The next morning, I fumed, kicking myself for not coming up with better comebacks, or for not just walking away. I could have been the bigger person.
I was grateful to find my best friend in the kitchen making coffee when I came out of the bedroom. The night before, I had called Daisy to rant about my run-in with the Tarrytown monster. I appreciated that she always made good use of the spare front door key. As soon as I saw her, the story poured out of me, every bubbling inside.
“Summer, calm down,” Daisy begged. I loved her for trying, but there was no way in hell I was chilling out anytime soon. Yelling and screaming wasn’t what I had in mind for when I finally saw him again.Adding insult to injury, Thad just walked off while I was mid-sentence. He dismissed me. Who killed their fiancée’s father and had zero remorse?
My dad had begged for forgiveness. He knew that what he did was wrong and never said otherwise, while Thaddeus just acted with callousness. The more I thought about it, the more my insides boiled. Which was the reason Daisy was here. She was keeping me company and attempting to calm me down. I’d never had a better friend.
“Summer, have some coffee.”
“Daisy, I love you,” I said, pacing around the room like a madwoman, “but what I need right now isn’t caffeine. I need a gun. I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.” My heart banged against my ribcage. Forget what I said about not being able to follow through on violence. Thaddeusdestroyedme and couldn’t show a flicker of regret in his eyes. Just stomped around proudly with those big muscles, looking like he only went on a long vacation. Because of Thaddeus’s inability to forgive, I’d lost the two most important people in my life.
Did he even suffer from sleepless nights? Did he even try to understand what it was like to wake up in a cold sweat, hearing a gunshot blast inside his skull?
Guess not. Because, call me one-sided, but what he went through was nothing like what I did. His mom died in an accident. I watched the man I loved kill my father. Saw the life drain out of Dad; his blood covered my skin.
Thaddeus could parade around with his sob story as much as he liked, but I’d been there for him when he lost his mother. What did he do for me?Stab me right in the heart.
Daisy raised an eyebrow and studied me as if waiting for the punch line. “A gun? You’re going to dowhat?”
For a second, I looked at her, realizing what I’d let slip earlier.
“I’m going to kill Thaddeus.” The words came out of my mouth easily the second time.Yes, I lost every ounce of love for you. I hate you. I want you to pay every second of your life for how you betrayed me.
A burst of laughter came from my best friend. What was so funny? If Thaddeus could kill someone, why couldn’t I? Over the years, I’d thought about it, and killing him seemed like the only thing that would make me feel better.
“Summer. Drink your coffee and calm down. You can’t even kill a ladybug. Let’s not have this conversation again.” She rolled her eyes.
I hated how rational she was being this morning. “Daisy, he?—”
“Summer. They say the best revenge is doing well. Why don’t you wash up and squeeze in a therapy session and then go to work? If Thaddeus can go around town with his head held high, you can do it even better. You’re the one with no blood on your hands.”
A sigh fell from my lips. Okay, she was right. I couldn’t kill anyone. “What if I hired a killer?”
Daisy shut her eyes and inhaled deeply. “With what money? The house is all you have, and if you don’t go to work, the bank might take that too.”
What was happening here? Previously, Daisy was the Thelma to my Louise. We even wore matching Halloween costumes in the parade last year. I took a seat, silently drank the rest of my coffee, then called Marni to schedule an emergency lunchtime session, before hurrying off to work.
