Page 9 of The Monster I Loved
I climbed out of the car into the cool day. Wishing I’d stopped for flowers on my way, I hung my head and walked toward my mother’s grave. The air was heavy, and I felt the temperature rise inside me with each step I took.You didn’t deserve to die like that. I concentrated on remembering her smile. The way her eyes would twinkle when I told a funny story. Hell, I’d even take hearing the arguments blasting through the walls if it meant I got to see her again.
But that piece of shit took that away from me.
Hands clenched, I walked up the cement path.
A couple of rows from my mother’s headstone, I felt a pair of eyes on me.It’s probably just one of those righteous protesters. To many, I was an unhinged killer who had no right to be released, never mind returned to their hometown. They didn’t care about my reasons. I was supposed to shrug off my mother’s death and be a part of their civilized society.
Fuck them, they could stare all they wanted. I kept moving, eyes straight ahead, until I stood before my mother’s grave.
“Sorry it’s been so long, Mom,” I whispered. My legs weakened. In that moment, an overwhelming sense of devastation washed over me.
The murder. The lies. The years spent in a cell, hanging onto memories of life before I realized that people weren’t always good, and that bad people walked among us.
I could never forgive a man like Clive, a murderer and a coward. Putting a bullet between his eyes was merciful. For the way he left my mother to die, he should’ve suffered a long and painful end.
“You’re not alone now, Mom.” I crouched to be level with the gravestone. “I’m here with you.”
I brushed my thumb over the granite headstone. The feeling of eyes on me remained. Respect meant even a murderer like me should be allowed to have this visit in private. A slab of rock, which was the only physical thing I had left of her, and I couldn’t even spend time with that in peace. Annoyed, I snapped my head around. A face I never planned to see again stood before me.
Summer.
A thousand emotions flooded me.Why the hell is she here?Is her piece of shit father buried in the same place as my mother?Oh, right, of course he fucking was. This little town had only one cemetery.
I held her gaze.
Neither of us spoke. Adrenaline surged through me, and I forced my breathing to slow. I didn’t come here for her. I looked away and back at my mother’s stone. Anger continued to pull the knot in my stomach tighter as I remembered how Summer had comforted me as they lowered my mother to the ground. Held me, all while probably knowing her dad killed my mom. Damned if I was going to let her ruin this reunion, I returned my attention to my mother. “Just wanted you to know I’m back. You’ll be seeing me a lot more often.”
I talked to her quietly, telling her about life in prison. I’d mostly kept to myself, so there wasn’t much to tell.
Minutes passed, and I ran out of things to say. I stood, leaving my mother alone, and headed back to my car. The lump in my throat ached. Even ten years later, her death still hurt. I didn’t think it would ever stop.
As I walked, I heard footsteps approaching. No mistake, they were Summer’s. I turned to face her. Satan’s only spawn was just as I remembered. If I’d never brought her into our lives, who knows, Mom might still be alive. But no, I just had to get swept in by her curly blonde hair and piercing eyes.
Her tempting appearance—that I’d failed to resist as a boy—had only seemed to get better with time. Adam and Eve had an apple, and I had fucking Summer Cohen. I lowered my gaze to scan her body.Wait,is one dead mother not good enough to knock some sense into you?I was wiser now; one glance at Summer’s perky chest and devilishly long legs made bitterness churn inside me. If it were any other woman, I might’ve enjoyed the view, but from Summer, I didn’t want a thing, not even to hear the words she struggled to get out.
“You piece of shit.”
In ten years, she hadn’t expanded her vocabulary much, I thought, watching her tremble before me, probably losing all the courage to do whatever she thought she’d do when she saw me again. “Summer, you look good,” I said frankly. Redness swamped her face. I could sense it wasn’t the flustered kind.
Her eyes widened. “Fuck you.”
It had been years. I could use one, but from her, I’d pass.
Gesturing at my watch, I encouraged, “Okay. Get it over with.”
She looked puzzled. “What?”
“Come on, you’ve probably had a million little ideas about what you wanted to say. Get them over with.”
Her eyes blazed as she took another step toward me. “Is this a joke to you? You ruined my life...”
Thatticked me off. “There it is, the damn selfishness I never saw in you until it was too late.Mypain,mydead dad,myruined wedding plans.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “They should’ve given you the death penalty.”
I let out a hollow laugh. “What happened to all that forgiveness you were preaching back then? It sure disappeared when you had the dead parent, huh?”
“Stay away from me.” A vein appeared on her forehead. I could see her pulse.
