Page 100 of Away With You
He nods and steps back. I clench my fists to stop from reaching for him. “You’re right,” he concedes. “I’m sorry. I just want more for you, that’s all. I want you to be brave.”
My heart hammers in my chest as he throws Jade’s words at me. And the sad thing is, my heart agrees with him; it’s just that right now, my brain is in charge. Being brave will only end in more heartbreak. By ending this now, it will be the best way forward for everyone involved.
“Nathan, I need you to leave.”
His head bobs once in agreement, but he doesn’t move. “Are you sure?”
No!
“Yes. One day, you’ll thank me for doing this.”
He bends over and brushes his lips against mine. “I don’t think so, Katie. I love you. In this one life I get to live, you’re it for me.”
Unable to speak or even move now, I shut my eyes and listen to him leave. I listen to him murmur something to Nuke before opening the door, my body tightly wound as he pauses. Then I hear the door shut. And it’s only after that when I open my eyes and take in the empty flat that I allow myself to fall apart.
I’ve done what is safe. What is right.But if that’s true, why does it feel so, so wrong?
CHAPTER 26
KATIE
February is, without a doubt, the most miserable month of the year. It’s the month where all the festivities of Christmas and the celebrations of the New Year are long gone. It’s missing the newness that comes with January and the optimism that comes with a new year. It’s still cold, dreary and rainy all the time. And although spring is just around the corner, it seems like it’s never going to arrive.
Besides all this miserable stuff, February also marks one month since I’ve seen or heard from Nathan. A month since I let him walk out the door after telling me I’m ‘it’ for him. A month since, as Jade declares daily, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
“Is it ever going to stop raining?” I ask Nuke from my spot by the window. It’s Saturday afternoon, my favourite time of the weekend, when I can be found curled on the couch watching a movie, or curled up in bed reading a book, or just generally curled up somewhere like a lazy lizard. And yet today, I don’t even have the energy to do that. Things are that grim.
Nuke doesn’t bother to glance up from where she’s licking her paws. In the weeks since Nathan left our lives, she’s grown more disdainful of me. Like she knows what I’ve done, and she’s judging me for it. Or perhaps that’s me projecting. She’s just a cat, after all.
“You’ve got mail.”
Jade’s excited voice pulls me from my musings, and my heart thumps at her words. Turning from the bleak view outside, my corneas are assaulted by my bestie’s choice of outfit today. She looks like a rainbow threw up on her. I mean, she looks amazing. She always does. It’s just that her array of yellows, oranges and pinks isn’t matching my mood.Doesn’t she know all black is more appropriate?
“I do?” I ask, walking to her with a pep in my step.
She holds the package out between us. “It was outside your door.”
I cradle the box in my hands and draw in a shuddering breath, knowing what is inside is likely to cause another mini breakdown. Because I know what’s likely to be inside. Nathan, in the weeks since I sent him away, has respected my decision and the boundaries I put between us and hasn’t reached out once. No calls or texts or smoke signals. Not a peep. Until…the first box arrived in the mail.
“This is the third one, right?” Jade asks from the kitchen. She knows that opening the package will require a cup of tea and many biscuits.
I sit on the couch with the box in my lap, my eyes drifting over the shelf in front of me. “Yes, this is the third one.”
I wait for her to join me on the couch and, with trembling hands, I slowly open the box. “He remembered everything,” I whisper, tears stinging my eyes.
Jade moves to sit closer, peering over to stare down at the treasure in front of me. A snow globe. Another snow globe.
“What do you mean?” she asks after I sit in silence, shaking the globe and crying silent tears.
The miniature tram moves along the miniature tracks while little flakes of snow float around them. It’s perfect.
“Do you remember when Nathan first crashed into my life? And he was here, helping me with the tree…”
“Gosh, that was so dreamy,” Jade interjects with a sigh.
My heart flutters in agreement. “Yeah, it was. Anyway, when he was here, he noticed my snow globe collection, and he asked about it. And strangely, given I don’t often talk about my mum and what the collection means to me, I told him everything. About how it started, and how I vowed to continue it, and how I failed that one small task. It’s part of the reason I agreed to the St. Lucia fake girlfriend idea in the first place. The snow globe.”
I walk over to the shelf and pick up the sand globe we chose together that night at the market. The perfect globe to complete the perfect day. Even now, weeks later, I can recall the smells from the food trucks, the breeze from the ocean. The way my skin tingled when he looked at me. The kisses.Oh boy, do my lips remember everything about those kisses.
