Page 14 of Make You Mine This Christmas
“Hi, baby. Daddy missed you.” I turn, ready to snark I missed him too, but the sight of Cole looking at his daughter with so much joy makes the words freeze in my throat. I can’t help but wonder when the last time was I looked that happy.
Cole follows me into the kitchen, where I toss the burp cloths toward the door to the laundry and drop the bottles in the sink. I pull open the dishwasher to find it full of clean dishes and get to work putting them away.
“You know, this is becoming a bad habit of yours, making yourself at home,” he says, bouncing Cassidy on his arm, a smirk on his face.
“Consider it back pay for all the times you helped us out,” I say, not needing to look back at Cole to know his expression had changed to one of pity.
“That’s different. Your mom was sick, and you were working three jobs to keep you guys afloat. Doing some dishes and running the vacuum while you were out at treatments is the least I could do.”
“I know,” I say, putting away the last bowl and starting to rinse what’s in the sink to load the dishwasher again. “And now, you’ve gotyourhands full. I know you and Blaire are doing better than floating, but I can help, so I will.” Cole steps up next to me at the counter, and I finally look his way.
“What’s brought this up? Is everything okay?” His face is full of concern, his voice soft and full of care.
“Oh, she’s fine. She had her scans last month, and everything is still clear. I dunno, your life is so different now, and this is a way I can still fit.”
Cole’s expression turns to one of shock, his mouth open. “Of course you still fit, Austin. There’s a reason we didn’t even consider anyone else to be the girls’ godfather. You don’t have to earn your place in our life. We love having you around.”
Emotion catches in my throat for the second time since I walked through the front door. I’m not afraid to express my emotions, but I haven’t cried in months, and now twice in almost as many days? Fucking Brody.
My best friend’s eyes widen with understanding. “Do you want to grab these girls a bottle and sit by the fire?”
“And I thought I didn’t need to earn my place,” I tease, knowing exactly what Cole is trying to do.
“I can certainly try to feed them both at once, but I think you’d rather have a cute baby to focus on while you tell me what happened with Brody.” He hands me Cassidy without another word and heads to grab Melody from her bassinet in the living room.
“Your daddy thinks he knows everything,” I say to the happy girl in my arms, grabbing one of the formula mixed bottles. We’re settled into my usual armchair, slurping away when Cole comes in with a much happier looking baby than the last time I saw her. The fact that she’s not covered in sour-smelling formula vomit helps too.
“So, what happened after the store Tuesday night?”
I look at him wide-eyed, wondering how he knows about our late-night activities. I feigned a headache on the drive yesterday to avoid any questions about my sullen mood, and Melody’s exorcist impression on the way home distracted us the rest of the way.
He scoffs at me. “C’mon, your cashier was Barbara, and she recognized our new Santa. She referred to you as a mystery man when she told Susie about it, but I knew exactly who the Superman lookalike she referred to was. So, what happened?”
I roll my eyes at the gossip train in these towns, but let out a deep sigh and start talking nonetheless. “Things were okay. Awkward, sure, but we started to turn the corner. And then he wanted to play Twenty Questions. Don’t ask,” I say in response to Cole’s confused look. “So I asked him why he left without saying goodbye or telling me he wasn’t going to UMass.”
Cole whistles. “No easing him into it there, huh?”
I shrug, and Cassidy shoots me an annoyed look before going back to finishing her bottle. “I blame the 10:00 p.m. Red Bull. And the fact wondering has plagued me for the last decade.”
He nods in understanding. “So what did he say?”
I take a deep breath, preparing myself to say out loud the words that cut me so deeply. “He told me I’m the reason he decided to go to UMass. He heard me tell you I’d go with him to Columbia, so when he ended up needing to change course and go to NYU, he couldn’t let me go with him. Guess I didn’t measure up to the type of boyfriend you introduced to fellow corporate lawyers or something.”
Cole blinks at me. “He couldn’t let you? Or he didn’t want you to?”
“He couldn’t let me.” I look back down at the now-sleeping baby in my arms, trying to let the love I feel for her wash out the hurt and shame threatening to drown me at the idea of once again not being good enough.
“And then what did he say?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did he elaborate any on why he couldn’t let you?”
“No, I think it was pretty clear.”
Cole’s face takes on the look you give a child when they throw a tantrum over something unreasonable. “I don’t think it’s clear at all. Leaving you without saying goodbye notwithstanding, Brody’s not a cruel person, Austin. And he loved you a whole fucking lot.”
I huff out a breath. “I don’t know that you can discount one of the cruelest things you can do to a person you supposedly love. If he fucking loved me so much, how could he just leave?”
