Page 30 of Make You Mine This Christmas
Blaire’s snooping in the bag I set down. “I thought you were leaving?” I say.
She pulls her hand out, her pastry claimed. “I am. I’m outta here. Love you, bye!” She leans over to give Cole a peck, and she’s off like a blur of Christmas lights.
Cole holds Cassidy against his body and pulls the drink holder to him, pulling out his flat white, extra cinnamon. He raises an eyebrow as he takes a sip and waits.
I sit down in the chair across from him and mimic his pose with Melody. “So, what do you want to know?”
“So,what is there to know?” he responds.
“Well, the pipes burst above...”
“Yeah, yeah. I want to know the things I haven’t heard from three different townspeople on one trip to the store for diapers. Give me the good stuff.”
“Again with the gossip,” I say, sipping my own coffee, a gingerbread latte. Brody says it’s one of his favorites so far, and I wanted to try it for myself.
“I’m not allowed to listen to my true crime podcasts anymore because I’m afraid of what I’ll miss wearing headphones, and Blaire says we’re not raising the girls in a murder house. I’ll take my titillation where I can get it. Go.”
I let out a sigh, feeling a little bit bad I’m giving him such a hard time when this is what I came here for. “Well, it all started after decoration shopping with some mistletoe.”
Cole listens, not interrupting as I detail my reaction to the mistletoe, Brody’s proposition, our shower activities, and putting him to bed last night.
“I can’t decide if this is better or worse than I expected,” he says, pulling a toy out of thin air to distract Cassidy, who is starting to fuss in his arms. Her sister got antsy during my story time, so I shifted so her head is on my shoulder. If the wet spot near my collar is any indication, she’s passed out.
“You expected us to have sex?”
Cole levels his eyes at me.
“I’m notthatfucking predictable,” I mutter, wincing as I once again dread the not-so-distant future when I won’t be able to get away with that kind of language.
His eyes soften immediately. “Oh Austin, I didn’t mean that at all. I’m pretty sure Brody’s the only person you’ve ever loved in a romantic way. So, I’m not surprised you’re trying to express those emotions in a way you’re more comfortable with.”
I slump further in the chair, careful not to jostle the sleeping angel in my arms. “So I am a slut. Kidding!” I say when Cole throws a napkin at me across the table. “You may have a point. I tend to keep things physical and not let anyone get too close.”
“So, is Brody too close?” Cole asks, raising his eyebrow again.
“What do you think?”
“I think you need to stop deflecting.”
I sigh but then remember I wanted this conversation. No, I need it. “I think even when I had no idea where he was, he was too close.”
“What are you going to do?” he asks, gesturing for me to follow him into the living room so we can lay the girls in their bassinets, Cassidy finally having fallen asleep too.
“Is it selfish to want to have him this way?”
“You said keeping things physical was his idea. You don’t believe he means it?”
I shrug. “I think he wants to mean it. He says he hasn’t had a real relationship since we broke up either, so I do believe he has more experience separating emotion from sex. But whether he can do it when it’s between us? Part of me hates the idea that he can.”
“But can you? You know I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I shrug again, missing the weight of a baby keeping my shoulders still, stopping me from being so uncommitted. “I’ve gotten pretty good at lying to myself when I need to over the years. But even I can’t buy into the thought that it won’t hurt when he leaves either way. So if he wants to give me, give us, this time, why not take it?”
Cole sighs. “Well then, I guess you better bring him over with you for dinner on Sunday night.” He reads my incredulous look dead on. “What? I promise I’ll be good!”
Chapter 16
Brody
