Page 47 of Power
Me: Shut up, Axel.
Ryker: The entire weekend?
Me: Have you nothing better to do than comment on my love life? Blake, don’t you have someone’s spleen to remove? Ryker, no legal briefs to alphabetize by shade of pretentiousness?
Ryker: Ohhh it’s a “love life” now. Let me get my popcorn and sit back for this. [attaches GIF of man eating popcorn]
Blake: Don’t listen to them, Jace. They don’t know what true love feels like. Some of us remember what emotions are.
Axel: True love? *barfing emoji* You’ve changed, Blake. I miss the emotionally stunted ER doctor who used to threaten my life with creative medical instruments.
Blake: Only YOUR life, Axel. The CDC has a dedicated taskforce with your photo and “approach with hazmat suit” stamped on it.
Axel: I’m careful, Dr. Buzzkill. My last STD test was so clean, they framed it at the clinic. Probably hanging in the lobby as inspiration.
Me: I have a problem.
Axel: He has feelings for her. *laughing emoji* Someone check his temperature. Jace.exe has encountered an error. Have you tried turning yourself off and on again?
Blake: After just one weekend?
Axel: That’s what I said! Next, he’ll be shopping for minivans and practicing dad jokes in the mirror.
Me: She works for the company I just acquired.
Ryker: Sexual harassment in the workplace is nothing to sneeze at. As your unofficial legal counsel, I advise backing away slowly while maintaining professional eye contact. As your friend, I advise changing your name and moving to Fiji. I know a guy.
Me: Thanks for the legal analysis, Counselor Obvious, but this is a bigger problem. I can’t let anyone at work find out about us.
Axel: Notice he’s talking about “us” like it’s present tense. THAT’s your problem, Jace. Make it past tense. Extinct species. Fossilized remains. Whatever they called failed relationships during the dinosaur age. Hieroglyphics of stick figures walking in opposite directions.
Me: Shut up, Axel.
Axel: Whatever you say, CEO of Unwanted Emotions, Inc. Should I prepare the IPO for your feelings, or are you keeping them private for now? *smirking emoji*
Ryker: If you can’t let anyone find out about you two, you know what you need to do.
Me: It’ll hurt her feelings.
Axel: Read your last text again. Now pretend you’re the billionaire OWNER of a massive corporation who has a responsibility to his employees and investors. Oh, wait. You are. *mic drop emoji*
He was right. I did have a major responsibility here. But this weekend, I’d let her see my softer side.
Me: She hasn’t seen my CEO side before.
Blake: That sounds vaguely terrifying.
Axel: Then put your shark fin on and get it over with, Jaws. Rip the Band-Aid off before you find yourself picking baby names and browsing real estate listings.
Ryker: For what it’s worth, proper documentation of the relationship with HR could mitigate most legal risks. Just saying.
Axel: Or … and hear me out … he could NOT date an employee and avoid the entire dumpster fire of workplace romance. Revolutionary concept, I know.
Me: I’ll handle it.
Axel: I’ll be over here with my popcorn, waiting for the inevitable fallout text. *popcorn emoji* *explosion emoji* *funeral emoji*
Blake: Good luck, Jace. And remember, some things are worth the risk.
