Page 39 of Without Bound
If there’s anyone I can tell, it’s Vaughan. I’ve never hidden anything from him. We know all of each other's secrets. All of the high’s and lows and everything in between. I decide that I need to relieve myself of some of this weight that is suffocating me and tell him.
I shake my head, “Nah man. I’m not alright.”
He pulls his brows tightly together and his fingers squeeze my shoulder. “What’s up? Are you okay health wise? Like, you didn’t get some bad news or something. Did you?”
“My health is fine, but my life may be in danger.” He stiffens and I watch the color drain from his face. “Let’s go out to the mezzanine to talk. I can’t do it here.”
He nods his head and leads me out of the room, but not before telling Cami that we need a minute alone. She looks at me with the same concerned expression and squeezes my hand as I pass by. I squeeze it back, reassuring her that I’m okay, and follow Vaughan out of the suite.
Once we’ve made it past the suite level and on to the busy spectator level, he says, “Okay. You gotta tell me, Bish. I’m getting worried.”
“I did something stupid and I don’t know what to do. It’s Anais,” I say and the tension in his face retreats and is replaced with disappointment.
“Bishop,” he drawls.
I start at the beginning when she first visited last year, and how I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. The words tumble from my mouth as I begin telling him about the obvious flirting she throws my way, the house party and the club. I show him the text messages she sent that day and everything since. The last one she sent was just yesterday and all it said was, “You're a coward Bishop Michaels.”
“Shit, man. I don’t,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know what to say. Of course the words I should tell you are to stay away from her, but Bish…I’ve never seen you so tormented by a woman before. Not even when you and Emily broke up after she told you she wanted to get married.”
“Fuck. I know, Vaughan. I’m disgusted with myself. How could I do this? Nix is never going to forgive me. I don’t even know how to tell him.” I grip my stomach, feeling the drinks and food from today start to climb their way back up.
“Hold on, Bish. Before you step in line to be executed, let’s talk about this.” Vaughan comes to a stop, then quickly pulls me offto the side and out of the way of the crowd. “What do you really feel for Anais?”
My throat clogs with a lie and the truth, and I wait to see which one will find their way into Vaughan’s ears.
“I can’t quite pinpoint my feelings. I know I look at her as more than just my friend's niece, but I don’t know if any feelings directed at her are lust or more than that. I don’t want them to be more, but…”
Vaughan watches me intently, trying to read my true feelings, but this is about as clear as I can give him. I’m so confused and torn and I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
“I love you man. You’re my brother and I will always have your back. I just really don’t know what to say to this. She’s young,” he says, listing it like I don’t already know. “And this would cause a huge rift between you and Nix. But I don’t think, for one second, that you would’ve done what you did if there weren’t some underlying, true feelings for her. You’re not a careless or reckless person. You don’t just do things on a whim without any worry of consequences.”
I nod my head, staring off into space at nothing in particular.
“You need to sit with your feelings and figure out what they really are. Before you talk to Nix about any of this, you need to find out if this is real or not. Don’t end a decade-long friendship that could be nothing more than a case of infatuation.”
He clamps his hand on my shoulder and I let his words sink it. Infatuation. It has to be that. There’s no way the flutter in my stomach when I see her is real. It’s a crazy notion that the lightness in my heart comes from the sound of her voice. And it’s absolutely ludicrous that the face I see when I think about my future wife is hers.
“You’re right. Thanks, man. Let’s get back to the suite.” I pat his back and we walk back together in silence, my blaring thoughts drowning out any conversation I could be having.
We spend the rest of the evening enjoying the Wranglers win, then I go back to my house where I stare at the ceiling for eight hours before I finally pull myself out of bed and try to have something close to a productive day.
I flop back onto the couch, utterly exhausted and cranky from my lack of sleep. I gave my guys the rest of the week off because frankly, I need a break from everything right now, but baseball is the only thing I can control.
My stomach growls and while I know I should get up and make myself some dinner, I don’t have the energy or desire to move right now. My eyes close and I feel my body begin to sink into peace when it’s shattered by the ringing of my phone.
I blink my eyes open with a frustrated sigh, and dig the phone out of my pocket. The screen flashes with Anais’ name and I debate on letting it go to voicemail as I have since the Sunday she showed up at my house.
The ringing stops and the screen fades to black while I’m having my internal battle. I drop my head back again, the phone still clutched in my hand, and this time when it rings again, I answer without a second thought.
“Hello,” I say, my voice gruff.
“Bishop?” Her voice is small and it causes immediate alarm.
I jack-knife up from the couch, suddenly wide awake. “Anais. What’s wrong?”
I hear her sniff back her tears. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so forward and I promise not to do it again if you’ll just stop ignoring me. I can’t handle you pretending I don’t exist.”
I rest back, the panic leaving my body now that I know she’s okay.
