Page 106 of Dare You to Run
My lungs constricted and I couldn’t breathe. I was sure everyone could hear the sound of my heart breaking. The scream that poured from my lungs filled the room and echoed down the hallway. It was a cry only those who have experienced this level of pain could understand.
I cried all the way back to the OR to perform the procedure. I cried as soon as I opened my eyes and realized where I was and what happened. I cried the entire way, wishing I could go back in time. And I cried myself to sleep when I couldn’t reach Hendrix. I called and left messages until his mailbox was full, then drifted into sleep.
My dreams were filled with black nothingness and cold. I felt the way my teeth chattered in the cold of the dark space, and the ache in my bones felt so real. At one point I saw Hendrix walking towards me, arms open wide and eyes bright. Right before could fall into my arms, something gripped onto his shirt and began yanking on him.
I cried for him to come back, but the harder he tried to get to me, the more difficult it became.
Now I take the cold towel off my eyes and pull out my phone, once again. I touch his name on the screen,Sexy Baby Daddy, and pray he picks up.
“The mailbox you are calling is full. Please–”I hang up the phone, already knowing how the script goes, and decide to call Malik to find out if he’s heard anything.
“Hey Day,” he says, answering after just one ring. “How are you feeling?”
His voice is cautious and tender, like what I imagine he sounds like when he talks to one of his students when they’re sad.
After I returned from the OR and had some time to wake up and cry some more, Mom told me that Danté and Malik were on their way back from the hotel where they had gone to rest and get cleaned up. They stayed here long after Hendrix walked out until my Dad sent them away to rest.
When they walked in, I simply cried. Malik hugged me, being the tender hearted man he is, and Danté looked uncomfortable but touched my arm softly and supportively. It was more than I could have imagined from him.
With a sigh I admit, “Not good. I just don’t understand where he is and why he left in the first place. Have you heard anything from him?”
“No word yet. I’m really sorry our brother is being an ass.”
“I’m gonna fuck him up when I see him,” I hear shouted from the background.
Danté, a staunch opponent in the beginning, is now a fierce supporter.
“I know he’s hurt but,” the sob works its way up my throat and I choke on my words. “I need him. He said he’d never leave again.”
My head falls into my hand and tears that I thought had dried up pour from my eyes once more.
“We’ll keep looking. The difficult part is that his phone is either off or dead, because we can’t track him onfind my phone. We know he loves you, Day, and I don’t think he’s given up on you. He’s just…he’s the kid whose mom abandoned him all those years ago. I don’t think he really knows how to deal with all of this. He’ll be back, though. I know he will.”
“‘K,” I reply, the one syllable I can manage to say.
“We’ll call you if we find out anything. Don’t give up.”
We hang up and I flop back onto my bed, covering my swollen eyes with my arm. I stay that way until a soft knock sounds at my door. It creaks open and the solemn face of my Mom appears.
“Morning my sweet girl.” She steps in the room and quietly closes the door behind her. “The kiddos are already wild and asking if you feel better. I told them they’re not allowed to bother you until your booboo heals.”
“I don’t think my heart will ever heal.” She rushes to hold me and I cry into her lap. “Where is he, Mom? Why hasn’t he called?”
Her fingers comb through my hair, freeing the tangles from last night’s sleep. “Oh baby, I wish I had the answers. I saw how upset he was, so I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t care. Men just process things differently than women. Take your father, for example. The man can’t decide if he’s angry or happy. It takes me smacking him in the head to get things to click into place.”
I let out a soft laugh. The first one in days.
“Does anyone know?” I never got a chance to tell my family about the baby. All they knew was that Hendrix was moving to Waco and they assumed it was because he wanted to be near me.
I’m glad they don’t know because I just could not handle their smothering right now.
“No. I would never share anything you don’t want me to. It will be up to you whether or not you want them to know aboutthis.” I nod my head against her thigh, soaked with my tears. “Would you like to eat?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Dagen. You haven’t had anything since the glass of juice the hospital made you drink before we left.”
“Maybe in a bit?” She sighs and that’s my sign that she gives in. “Mom?”
