Page 107 of Dare You to Run
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“Does it ever stop hurting, or is it just always there?”
I hear a stuttered breath before she speaks. “I wish I could say it goes away but it lingers for a lifetime, I’m afraid. I felt it when Dad and I were apart, and I feel it even now with Robbie gone. Ten years later and I still feel a pain in my chest when I see or hear something that reminds me of him. But there are many things that make the pain not so bad. You are a huge part of that. And one day, you’ll have someone that brings you the same amount of joy and will help you look back on the past, dulling the ache you feel right now. It’s part of our story, Dagen, and it makes us stronger and more resilient. You just need to keep pushing. Don’t ever give up. There’s always a brighter day waiting behind the clouds.”
She finishes and we both find ourselves in tears. I know she’s right, but right now it’s just hard to see beyond the grief.
“I love you, Mom. I don’t think my life would ever have been as complete without you. Malik and Dante were right. Dad is one lucky sonuvabitch.” She laughs through the tears, sniffling as she does.
“I’m the lucky one. You and your siblings are the greatest gifts of my life. I don’t know that I’d trade those twelve years without your Dad because I wouldn’t have you.” She leans down and kisses my forehead. “I love you Dagen Rayne. Every day, always. From this life into the next.”
We stay there holding each other, letting the tears heal a small part of my heart. But until I have Hendrix, I’ll never be whole again.
VAUGHAN
My mind isweary and my body is weak. The last forty-eight house has wreaked havoc on my family. And the road ahead is still a treacherous one.
I’ve tried to get a hold of Hendrix at least a hundred times by now, but his phone stopped picking up hours ago. I feel that if there’s anyone who is going to be able to get through to him, it has to be me. We have a shared pain now, though different, but it’s one only another man could understand.
A woman doesn’t understand what it’s like to pretend you aren’t affected by the everyday struggles we face. The biggest one being to provide and care for our family. In the blink of an eye, Hendrix lost that. Just as I lost Camille so many years ago.
I know I was hard on him in the beginning but in my eyes, no one will ever be good enough for my daughters. Or my son, for that matter. But deep down, I know Hendrix is the one for her. I can see it when he looks at her. A man so hardened by the world around him can perfect the look of callousness, but his eyes will never lie. And Hendrix spoke a million words.
My phone dings with a notification and I pull up the cameras. There’s an alert that the edge of the property has been breached and I switch views to find out where it came from. I touch the screen, changing the direction. Off of the back of the barn, I see a figure stumbling beyond the fence and traipsing through the field.
I zoom in as much as it will allow, and I recognize the clothing that Hendrix was wearing from two days ago.
“Camille,” I call out and she rushes into the office.
“What’s wrong?”
“I got an alarm. I’m going to go take a look. Dagen okay?”
She shrugs. “As well as can be expected.”
I rise up from my chair and take her face in my hands, kissing her like it’s the first and last time.
“I’ll be back, Sunshine.”
She strokes my cheek and stares into my eyes. “Be careful. Call me if you need anything.”
I kiss her nose then walk out to try and save the man that needs it most.
FORTY-FOUR
I stumbleas I climb through tall grass and wind my way through the overgrown field, trying to remember the way Vaughan drove us.
My head hurts and the alcohol I’ve binged on has yet to find its way out of my system. I feel queasy and stop for a moment to let it pass. Or come up. I’ve teetered between both this morning.
After I drove off from the hotel the other night, I simply drove East. I didn’t have a destination or know where I was going, I just knew I had to get away from the one place that was ripping me apart. My world was crumbling and it was all my fault. At this point, I didn’t care if I drove myself into a ditch. At least it would put an end to the pain.
I drove until my fuel light lit up and I had to find a gas station to refuel. That led me toa nearby bar, that led to drinking for five hours straight. It was only after I fell off my stool that the bartender cut me off. A bar fly was quick to want to help me, in many ways, but I set her straight letting her know I had a girl and she needed to remove her hands before I broke them off. The bartender didn’t like that and told me to get out.
I weaved my way to a small diner to eat and shake off the alcohol so that I could continue to drive. While inhaling a mountain of pancakes, I started to think about how broken Dagen must be. She would wake up and find not only me gone but our baby, too. I was a selfish son of a bitch, and I’d dug myself into a hole I didn’t think I could climb out of.
I finished up my food, walked into the convenience store and bought beer and whatever alcohol they had before getting on the road again.
My phone was turned off because I just couldn’t listen to it ring incessantly. SeeingLittle MouseorMalandDon the caller ID was only driving the nail through my heart deeper.
