Page 108 of Dare You to Run
I drove back to Waco and sat outside of our home, staring at it. The furniture delivery would be there soon, but I wouldn’t. I called the store and told them to hold it because of a family emergency. I didn’t tell them the emergency was that I lost my family.
I drove away from the house and stopped at a nearby park where I continued to drink, and eventually fell asleep in my front seat only to wake up with a screaming bladder. I had an early breakfast of Jack, then started driving again. I feel like I blacked out and only came to when my car stopped by the McCallan Ranch.
It’s as if my heart was calling out to my brain, guiding it to the place where it laid. In Dagen’s hands.
I knew there was no way in hell I could face any of them. So instead, I walked around until I found a way in and walked my way a damn long time before spotting the familiar barn. I thought of the last time we were here and remembered the talk I had with Vaughan by the big magnolia. It was peaceful and peace is what I need right now.
The walk to the tree seems impossibly long and I think about just dropping to the hard ground and passing out. Maybe the turkey buzzards will come and scavenge my remains.
The heat is really getting to me because I hear a low buzz coming from somewhere behind me. It grows louder until a rush of air sweeps by me. I turn to my right and see Vaughan sitting in his golf cart.
“Ffuck,” I slur.
“Yeah. Fuck. Get in.” His tone leaves no room for discussion, so I simply wobble to the other side and plop myself down in the passenger’s seat.
“Are you taking me somewhere no one will find me?”
He looks over at me for a brief moment and I see how his eyes are rimmed in red.
“I should, but I’m not. That would be the easy way out, and this is not going to be easy.”
My head lolls back and I close my eyes as we roll along. When we stop, I slowly lift my head and pry my eyes open, blinking in the harsh light and squint. I hear the soft trickle of water and surmise we’re by the creek.
“Come on. Follow me,” Vaughan orders, and I obey.
“You gonna drown me?” He looks over his shoulder at me with a glare. “Will you yell at me or hit me, or something? I can’t take this impassiveness.”
We reach the edge of the creek and Vaughan sits. I do the same but with less finesse. My body drops like a ton of bricks and has anoomphfalling from my mouth.
He lets out a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry this has happened to you, son.” The lump that gets stuck in my throat feels like a hand has snaked down it and taken hold of my heart. “But you need to remember that the same thing has happened to my daughter.”
I drop my head in shame, and nod. “I know.”
“Then what the fuck are you doing out here when you should be in there with her?”
I twist my head to look at him and offer up a shrug. It’s the most I can manage.
“My daughter, the woman you say you love, is in agony. And you should be the one by her side. Not me. Not Camille.You.” He pauses but I still can’t speak. “Her heart is broken, Hendrix, and I can bet yours is too. But you need each other. You can’t heal on your own, and neither can she.”
“I only bring heartache into her life. That’s not what she needs.” I fall back and stare up at the slow moving clouds.
“You also bring her love. That’s how a relationship works. The light can’t exist without the dark. It’s a hard truth, but one nonetheless.”
“What happens when the dark is too much? It will drown out the light. Dagen is light and I’m darkness. I can’t stick around to snuff out that beautiful light.”
“How do you know she won’t rid you of the darkness? You promised me you’d always be there for her. Where are you, Hendrix?”
“I’m right here,” I scoff.
“No. Where areyou? Not physically, but here.” He taps at my chest, right over the spot where Dagen’s tattoo is inked for eternity.
“I can’t do it! I don’t have it in me. I’m no good for her. It’s best I leave now before I cause anymore damage. It’s best this way.”
“You promised her,” He reminds me. “Instead of running away, I dare you to stay.”
My breathing turns fast and shallow as I try to fight off the sting. My nostrils flare and my eyes burn. I sit up, thinking it will push all this foreign emotion away, but it only serves to make it worse.
“Fight for her, Hendrix.”
