Page 52 of Hellfire & Tinsel
For the first time in his life he hadn’t felt alone. He’d been indescribably happy.
And now Kassel had to go.
Tears began to well, sadness bubbling up and killing the joy viciously, but it didn’t matter how fleeting the feeling had been. The summoning was fulfilled.
“Beau,” Kassel said quietly, looking like he was searching for words.
“You made me feel seen,” Beau whispered, heart stuttering in his chest. He didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to put an end to any of it, but he owed it to Kassel to hold up his end of the bargain. “For the first time in my life someone saw me and took the time to learn things about me.”
“Beau.” Kassel raised his hand to cup his cheek. His eyes were restless now, wide and focused, and Beau knew. He knew Kassel understood what was going on. “You don’t have to…”
A near hysterical hiccup left his lips.
“But I do,” he said, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I have to let you go. It’s done. It was never forever.”
His hands tightened around Kassel as he said it, like his body was at war with his mind. He buried his head in Kassel’s neck and inhaled as deeply as he could, hoping that scent would never fade from his memories.
“Maybe you can come and visit sometime,” he got out over his tears.
Kassel squeezed him closer, a hand finding his hair. “Time moves differently in Hell. It’s not linear. A day there could mean ten years pass up here. Five minutes here could mean a week in Hell. I… can’t promise…”
That was the thing Beau had learned about Kassel. He would never lie. Couldn’t. Not even to let him live in delusion.
More tears fell.
So, this was it.
He’d never see Kassel again.
He’d never be held by him again.
Never be kissed by those lips or looked at with the eyes he’d grown to cherish so much.
Kassel was leaving.
And Beau had to let him.
“I don’t want to,” Kassel said. “I don’t know… I…”
He sounded so confused, and Beau sobbed, shaking his head against Kassel’s neck.
“I don’t want you to either,” Beau whispered. “But it’s how it works, isn’t it? I called you for help, and you did what I wanted you to. I’ve never felt more like a human than I did this week we spent together. I’d never felt like I mattered quite the way you made me feel.”
“I didn’t do much.”
“You did everything,” Beau whispered. “You are everything. But you have a home to go back to.”
“Hell isn’t going anywhere,” Kassel said, still holding Beau close like he didn’t want to let go either. Like he felt the exact same way Beau did.
He didn’t know if that was better or worse.
“Maybe I’ll see you there then,” Beau said.
“You won’t,” Kassel said. “You’re too good for Hell.”
It was so unfair.
“I’m selfish,” Beau said, tears pooling on Kassel’s chest. “I want you to stay. That’s bad, right?”
